For The Win...

2011-02-12T13:59:00.002+08:00

I guess the new path began...

Joined Shooting. I wonder if I'll survive.
First training:
80 pushups,
20 crunches.
And hold the leg in the air thing...

Hmm.
Don't feel like talking much anymore.
To anyone.

Adios
2 Years Hence Begins.

2010-08-16T19:53:00.002+08:00

Been a long long time since I last posted. Too much happened then.
Here for rantings again.

Think back to what kind of students were we?
I know we all hate the 4C best class crap...
But we haven't even been living up to a standard of students.

I so much regretted playing cards in school.
I so much regretted not attending in lessons.

I thought a game or two of cards without gambling is fine.
Look wad happened?
Good thing I pulled myself back out of time

We started to gamble push-ups.
And what's the diff between adults betting money?
We once said we'll play in recess only.
Now it seems like a addiction,
Even up to a point of playing when a teacher is around.

Good grief.
I'm gonna stop this, I will.

Adios
I Know This Is An Unattainable Dream; And So, My Eyes Fill With Tears Again

2010-05-28T20:48:00.002+08:00

Maybe a post before I put full start MT.

Blog's been really really dead.
So time to lavish it with a poem.
Think whatever you want of it.

The Glass's On The Table,
Half Full, Half Empty.
The Torrendous Storm Cleared
Leaving The Rainbow

The Wine Evapourates,
The Rainbow Fades.
What's Left Behind?
Dregs And Clouds.

Would It Be Different Then?
If You Had Filled The Glass,
Admired The Rainbow.
The Leftover...
Would It Be A Pleasent Taste Of Wine,
And A Everlasting Memory Of The Rainbow.

The Dregs Said To The Rainbow:
"I'm Dying,"
And The Rainbow Reciprocated:
"I'm Fading."

Just a metaphoric poem.
-Lee.

Adios
One-Sided

2010-05-14T21:03:00.003+08:00

Exams finally over.
Nothing to be happy about.
Results really...not good.
It's hard to be falling from that high.

Like what I wrote in my El essay, pride goes before a fall.
Hahas, eating my own words.

Technically there's nth to be happy abt cuz exams aren't really over.
There's more to go.

~~And I can safety conclude no one understands me~~

And perhaps I made wrong choices.
Choices that other people feel is good
But it justs pushes too far.

Like a Kite.
Let it fly too high, and you may lose it.
Rein it too tightly, it snaps.

And I having too tight rein.
Then maybe time to let it fly loose.
Maybe the kite would be happier to fly away ~

Adios
Silence Isn't Always Golden. Sometimes It's So Black That It Drives People Apart.

2010-04-25T16:39:00.003+08:00

Using Ebuddy with psthetic internet now.
And aww..it really sucks.
There's been many happenings this month...
And sadly, couldn't remember all of it now as I'm typing this.

But first piece of good news, GOH is over.
And so CCA ends. I'm hoping there isn't a POP,
Cause it doesn't really matter anymore.

And still thinking should i continue writing that lone story....
Virtual world. Picean.

Anyway...mid year's drawing near, and i haven't started revising. hurray...

Oh well...

Adios
Unspoken Words.

2010-04-07T13:43:00.002+08:00

Haven been online very long,
Internet still down; now in sch using sch lappy.
Haiz...so many things happen.
Dunno when I'll be able to use internet agn.
... ... ...

Adios
I Know This Feeling.

2010-03-14T22:07:00.004+08:00

Camp was....not fun.
I mean yea...it was good to know juniors better.
But not fun for sec 4.

Wasting my time. And midnight still get scolded
-.-
Sept like only 5-6 hours in 3 days of camp.
today reached home at 1, slept from 2 to 7
Feel so crappy cuz of sore throat.

Why is life so unfair.
Isn't there something my friends and I can rejoice about?
Damm it.

Adios
Why did it has to be like this?

2010-03-09T19:29:00.002+08:00

Haven't been posting.
Been like kinda busy with studying.
And happy that I somehow rather passed E Maths,
And even more by miracle, scored only a mark less than Osel.

And got half my bio paper back.
Kinda pleased with it.
If my other half can get a good grade, I may hit my A1.
Or do really badly....

Sadly, this post isn't about my results.
It's more of like what's happening around.
The world is so damn freaking ironic.

[edited]

That's all I can say.
I typed out everything, but decided not to publish it in the end.

Yeah...I know, whats the point then.
Lol.

This society really asks for too much.

Adios
Ironic

2010-03-03T22:47:00.002+08:00

Adam Khoo's workshop today.
Tiring, cuz it eats it nto the night.
But hope it helps.

Shall be frank, this post isn't a happy one.

Got B4 for A Maths.
Could be considered good to some people or okay to others
Or bad to PROS. (I bet Osel's gonna comment on this)

I should be happy to get a B cuz been failing milestones, etc.
I was hoping for A2, minimum B3.
But I just couldn't get it.

Perhaps it would be fine,
except that I cant believe I studied much more harder for it.
But results-wise. You can see.
And it really depresses when your friends are all scoring way higher.
And the stupid failing MT.

I thought failing MT didnt affect me, but I guess it did affect my mood.
Something else affected my mood too.
But not for long.

Adios
What More Can I Say

2010-02-25T21:17:00.002+08:00

Mad Rush to study bio.
Really tired. And no mood.
But still..I can't afford to fail any science.
Since I already failed MT.

But before that...
Today's trip to Body's World was well spent.
Really tire me mentally
Cuz ended at 6.
But was really fun.

And... Before I end this post...
Dedications...For making my day great.

Thanks Ben!!
For the card, which was so sweet.
the present(which will help a lot xD)
And the T-shirt :)

Thanks Jieying and Hazeline (A.K.A both mums)
For the cards!!!
It was really very sincere.
And brought back memories over the past few months :)
Even since primary school days.
(Used to call Jieying to ask for hw during primary school day...)
And much much more..
That I prefer to be selfish and keep it to myself xDDDDD

And last but NOT LEAST,
everyone for wishing me a happy birthday and making my day.

OMG. A new inspiration. Been months since I last had one.

I'm always in the game, aiming to be the winner.
Anticipated by the final trump, the Aces, The Spades.
But Sometimes,
It's Best To Be Laid Back, Listening To Music,
Being The Spectator.

Adios
16th.

2010-02-16T16:28:00.003+08:00

Haven't been posting.
Firstly,
Happy Lunar New Year and Valentine's Day to all.
And Valentine ain't just for couples(though it's a good time to get-together =))
So enjoy.

Old leg pain ached up. But guess it'll be gone soon.
Haven't been replying smses cuz too addicted to reading
Ebook. Percy Jackson.
Finally finished all 5 books ytd. Started on Fri :)

Went JB ytd. Hmm... food's good.
A lot of branded stuff there too. Cheaper too.
I think I missed out some dramas and some quality game time,
Because of reading Percy Jackson.
But the time I spent away from that Ebook (cuz the battery ran flat)
Was okay ba.

In other words, boring.

Can't wait to go back sch agn.
If there wasnt 'o' levels, SPA and all those
stuff that makes the world ****ed up.
Yeah...That What I Said.

Adios
What's My Fatal Flaw? What's My Achilles Heel?

2010-02-12T19:35:00.002+08:00

Today after school CNY celebration,
Went out with LJM, XK, Johan, LLH, PQQ, Kahirul, Kendrick, Phyllis, Ben, Yiying and Siofan.

WAs kinda fun. Though "Lightning Thief" tickets was sold out.
But nevertheless
Bowling was stil fun. Not because of the knocking pins part.
Was fun cuz we were playing with the machine trying to edit each
Other's names. LOL, lame.

I got thrashed cuz my leg hand was still recovering from the last basketball game.
I really hope it's okay.
And I happen to be left-handed. So cant bowl well with injured hand.
Went home on bus. Alone. Slept. Woke up, just nice my stop :)

Special Thanks To LJM for trying very hard to organise this.
Even wanted to watch Lightning Thief with us
When you alr watched before le.
Thanks:)

Adios
What's The Prob?

2010-02-07T21:14:00.003+08:00

Maybe I'll regret this.
Maybe I won't.

TIme to pin-point and mention names
About my cca

THIS IS REALLY GONNA GET OFFENSIVE, WELL MAYBE NOT FOR YOU BUT STILL, ADVISABLE NOT TO READ
==========================================================

I'm really tired, sick and fucking pissed off by you guys.
Disappointed with Jason.
Pissed off by Eugen and Wilbert.

It's not the first time this is happening.
Just because you guys are not in the committee doesn't mean
You are not included in our training.

Think about it.
Dun talk about coming for CCA earlier or what.
Just this simple one:
How many times did your come for cca punctually?
Your said got remedial, but is your remedial everyday?
Wednesday and Friday?
Fine, deduct that.

Then how dare your, how fucking dare your,
Play basketball ball right in front of my juniors.
We asked them fall in, and while we were all doing PT,
What were your doing? PLAYING YOUR MOTHERFUCKING BASKETBALL?
Any idea how many times Admin, A.K.A Darryl Saw,
Had to go get your to join,
And you guys don't give a shit.

AND YOU WANNA KNOW SOMETHING?
THE SEC 1 ACTUALLY ASKED ME:

"Sergeant, why we all get pumping then those three sec 4 there not doing anything? Then just now still play basketball?"

I told them ignore your.
But seriously, tell me what the fuck reason you can give them?

When we were all doing our 40 pumping and sit-ups as punishment,
Where were you all?
Give me one, just ONE, for godsake, reason where the
Holy hell in the world were your.

I'm totally not against your playing of Basketball,
But when I'm controlling juniors, not when we are all getting punished together.
There's a time and place for everything.

And Jason, I thought you would have known better.
And then Wilbert, who went to Senior Spec and got your Staff Sgt,
Only because I gave you the chance.
I regretted giving you my chance into senior spec
Because I was going Cambodia.
I regretted it because I gave it to a fool.
Someone incapable of using authority at the right time and right moment.

Just because your not in the committee, you dun join training.
Then honestly answer yourself this:
Your just coming for the fucking attendance.
If you want to come for cca anymore, either come with the right attitude,
Or please just fuck off.
I don't need people like you in the cca.
It's just like poison in the blood.

And I know you think I'm joking during debrief,
And how Wilbert, tried to mock me that I'm scolding your
Even though I'm only a 1SG, same ranking as Eugen and Jason
And Wilbert who is a rank higher.

But Remember this, Wilbert
It Was I Who, Now Regretted it, Given You This Chance.
And you're in no position to mock me, because
Your a pathetic Staff Sgt that is useless
And holding no position at all,
Much more less power than people like Kaisiang, Me, Siyuan
That holds much higher positions than you
Though lower ranks.

So who are you to mock us?

And I swear that I really hope you all see this.
And make comments
I wanna hear your arguments.

Adios
Bring It On

2010-01-30T12:47:00.002+08:00

CCA was great yesterday.
Could at least start to communicate each seniors and CLTs more
Like friends.

At can finally get the unit working.

Played basketball with Jason, Laihong, Wilbert
In a match against other ppl
Total ownage.

Not us. The opponent.
In other words, we were pwned.

Went home.
Intended to do homework and
Maybe play com a while.

But ended up reading a storybook and
Fell asleep,
With troubles in my head.

Maybe I should just give up learning
Cuz I sucked at it.
Any maybe she would think I betrayed her,
But I was not trying to help anyone,
Was just trying to stop it from getting worse.
And lastly, maybe I should just stop talking.

Adios
Nothing Personal

2010-01-30T12:26:00.005+08:00

---------Lone Part 6----------------

It been several days since
I walked away from the pulsing Light,
And went on to enternal darkness.

Where should I go now?
My Goal's gone.
Well, at least I know this journey would end
By end of this Darkfall
Around 11 Jan 2011, where the Darkness would clear.
Perhaps a new journey would start.

But right now, the journey goes on.
I looked on to the images.
Days ago, after finding new images,
I been trying to cling on to it.
But I know it's just my own wishful thinking.
I wished the Wind would blow them away
But at the same time, I wished that they would stay.

And in new light,
I realized my flaws once again.
I resented it.
I want to just give it up.
Forget about
Mastering how to throw a stone into a pit.
Forget about images too.

Just get through this journey till 11 Jan.
Maybe then, I would
Finally found inner peace
Or start on a new journey.

Adios
Why Am I Wrting These Story, Aimlessly, Trying To Hold Back So Much?

2010-01-26T22:05:00.002+08:00

been working harder than I usually am
It's tiring.

I don't know how much longer I can last.

Today's really not my day.
In fact yesterday too.
Can't seem to be able to run as fast at during PT with ibrahim
before and during holidays
Nor can I play bball as well as I did during holidays.

Then today...was horrible.
Mdm Cheah caught me not paying attention.
Cuz I was kinda distracted -_-"
Then MT was crappish.
Everything went wrong.

I hope I can survive tomorrow's cca training.

Adios
I Bite My Tongue, But What's The Point If All The Feeling's Gone

2010-01-21T17:48:00.003+08:00

Trying hard to understand lesson

Today was kinda crappy
Got sent to LRC for stupid stuff.

Missed Physics and all..
But it could get worse if it's not solved quickly.
Haiz...that mother tongue cher just won't believe me

I wish she could she this

Oh well. At least I got to finish some homework during LRC
Cuz I refused to follow their dumb rules
Of copying a passage.
How's that gonna help?

Adios
Dots.

2010-01-17T13:35:00.002+08:00

Spent my fri resting after CCA.
Was so pissed off then.
By seniors...CLTs etc.
Forcing us to hammer the sec 2.

Then Sat...finished up my maths homework..
Except for the holiday homework and Addition Formulae
Which I have no idea how to do.
Gonna do it today later..(today is sun, btw)
Or meet up with laihong and ask.

Then spent the rest of SAT playing SA a bit..
Then spent 2 hours sewing one side of my NCC uniform rank.
Not that badly done, I guess.
Though I drew blood.
In other words, I pricked my fingers.
Twice.

Sun.
This morn continued with the other side.
More well-done after ytd's experince.
Done in in less than 2 hours.
And didnt prick fingers,
Only scratched.

Later shall go and do maths.

Can't wait for April to come.
Whether I pass out with what position matters no more.
I've done my best for this CCA,
But what others didn't do,
We still got the blame.
What do you want from us?

Adios
Weightless

2010-01-14T20:42:00.001+08:00

Really tired.
Wanna sleep early.
Gotta start early.

Adios
Once And For All

2010-01-11T19:23:00.002+08:00

Told Osel I'll feature him at the start of this post.
But I'm afraid not today.

I'm really fucking pisssed off.
With myself.

Think my phone will spoil soon
After I just accidentally threw it out of my hand
And instead of landing on the bed
It hit the wall and dropped to the floor
And everything smashed apart.

It really hurts sometimes,
To wish I didn't exist.

Nothing to do with today's events.
Just that It's been bottling up in me for too long.

Brave fonts, telling myself to get used to this kind of life
This kind of ... I dunno how describe.

I been asked several times before,
And each time,
I gave excuse for them
And I don't seem to care

But I really mind it.
I really mind those questions,
And how I have to hurt myself to give them an excuse
An excuse to lie to others, to myself.

To find comfort that they didn't really mean it.
They just forgot. that's all.

Dun bother asking anything about this post.
You won't hear a thing out of me.
None will again.

Adios
Why.

2010-01-10T13:02:00.002+08:00

Had flag day yesterday.
Lazy to blog abt it.
But it was kinda suckish.

Everything I hoped wouldn't happen
had to happen.

My intincts were right.
They told me it was gonna end up badly.

I'm not over-reacting.
And you guys might think i'm
Cuz I was keeping silent throughout the third and fourth hour
of the flag day.
And I wasn't emo-ing or pissed.
I was just concentrating my thoughts
And I had nothing to say.
Nothing. Not anymore.

Adios
Ingite.

2010-01-04T22:32:00.004+08:00

Hmm..went home late today.
Mentally drained.
Mentally tired.
Feeling like just lying down forever.

While I was bathing..and sitting down
Enjoying th fan blowing me
A lot of thoughts came to me.

How nice if life had shortcuts...
Then all problems would be solved.
Wrong.
The problems wouldn't be solved.
Avoided, that's all.

And there isn't a level of difficulty for problem.
There isn't problems that are easy or hard to solve.
Because all problems have the same level level of difficulty.
Problems that have solutions aren't easy problems,
Because they aren't problems if they can be solve.

A problem is something that can't be solved.

Okay...pointless to carry on. It's going nowhere.

But it's hard to face some things in life.

I wish people would just speak their mind sometimes..
Then there wouldn't be problems.

Sometimes..I just wished I was more relaxed.
I'm not anti-social...
But I'm not sociable.
Probably cuz I don't like interacting.
And I clam up.

Clam up most of everything I feel =)
They say volcanoes erupts when they are pressurized.
I don't feel any eruption.
I feel I'm killing my cells..and hurting myself mentally instead

And I Wish You Wouldn't Hurt Yourself Like This
Fight For What You Want
And Have No Regrets Because OF Hesitating.
Nothing Else Matters.

Cuz I Feel Hurt For You Too.

Adios
Not An Emo Post.

2010-01-02T13:20:00.005+08:00

-----------Lone Part 5--------

I followed my instincts...
But I did it half-heartedly.
I wanted to hold them on tight,
But I know I can no longer count on it

And now...Half-hearted believing and holding on to them,
I saw that Light again.
Remembering how it had landed in the forsaken quicksand,
I hated that Light.
It made my heart ache.

But this time, the light was changing color...
Out of curiosity, I went after it...
Then I saw another two shadows...

Although the Light seems to prefer a particular dark shape I can't recognise.
I felt so jealous.
So envious.

I thought maybe the Light was waiting my capture.
But my doubts grew stronger.
And now, I'm completely convinced the Light was there because
of the shadows

My failure of capturing the Light.
Yet someone could make the Light go to him without effort.
But then I saw something.

The shadow's leg had wet sand stuck on it too.
He must have pursued the Light too.
Anyone could see the Light wanted this shadow,
But yet it led this shadow to danger.
Why?

But this shadow, unlike a Light pursuer like me,
Has a special burning fire in his eyes
It was spirit that says
He won't give up.
And he's not afraid if failure.

But after that quicksand fall,
I've lost that spirit.
I'm afraid of always failing.
So I do nothing to avoid having any failure.
Perhaps that's why the Shadow deserves to win that Light.

And I walked back to the road.
I walked down that road I was walking before.
Ignore the Light.
I only wished that the Light continues to shine on
Brightly.
Nothing else matters.

"Let's go"
I said to eternal darkness.

Adios
SERIOUSLY just a story. No meanings behind it :)

2009-12-31T12:34:00.002+08:00

School's gonna start real soon.

Left with physic...and tys
And my all-time-favoutrite-subject, Chinese!
Of course..being a great model pupil in CL,
I'm not doing the written homework :(

Have been sketching a lot....
But no point posting...cuz this blog is kinda dead
maybe I'll change blogskin :)

We the Kings new album : Smile Kid

Okay dun like this album...songs are nice, but not my type
But like "Anna Maria (All We Need)"
The only song I like from this album :)

Hmm...haven really posted my nighttime reflections..

It's A Sad World...If I Had To Pretend I'm So Happy
And That's Pathetic. Sometimes..
I Rather Be Alone..Because I Don't Lie To Myself.
Rather Than Being With Others..
And Having To Worry If I'm Painting The Right Image.

Need Inspirations For Sketching...
I Don't Want To Go Back School.
But I Don't Want To Stay At Home Either.
I'm Tired Of Guessing..

Adios
Maybe It's Time This Blog Goes

2009-12-23T19:38:00.002+08:00

Went to Bedok North with my mum and my younger sis
For her sec 1 registration.

The school looks okay?
Dunno. Not me going.
Then went to buy her books.

Was thinking why my mum early morning
Drag me out of bed for this.
Then I realized =.=
She wanted me carry the stuff.
My leg was hurting cos of ytd PT
After running abt 4 - 5km
Me Osel Ibrahim went gym
I think while pushing the weight with my leg
I kinda strained it when accidentally let go

Then went to play basketball after the registration.

Bad choice.
Leg became more pain.

Didn't play as well as the last few days.
Went home early because totally lost my mood to play after a while.
Due to weather?
Maybe

-- Random. Bet you can't figure what this is ----

Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
No.
Not Radio, hand phone
No.

I do
Yes.
I do
No.

Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yea..
I do
Welcome.

No
Yes
Yes
Yes
YES!!
YES!!
YES!!
yes...

I Do
Yes
I Do
No

Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yea..
I do
Welcome.

There was.
Got.
That's right
No
No
I Do!!

Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yea..
I do

Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yea..
I do
Welcome
Welcome
Welcome

--- End ----------

Adios
Dead Blog

2009-12-22T22:02:00.002+08:00

No Pain, No Gain

They lied.
They say if you are willing to sacrifice and feel pain,
That's when you gain.

I've Taken My Share Of Pain, But I Don't See The Gain.

I felt the pain,
But where's the gain.
The gain is only more pain.

I've felt the pain a few times,
Each time telling myself that pain might be worthy
I know I can't do much
So each time I'll to endure al the pain,
But the promised gain is only more pain.

Adios
Ignore This Post. Crap

2009-12-22T15:09:00.006+08:00

-----Lone Part 4-------

Time to get a move on.
There's still that road ahead,
I can't stop at this quicksand.
There's probably more ahead.

I stood up...searching for signs,
But there was only one sign

"Follow Your Heart. Trusts Instincts"

Trusts intincts. How am I suppose to do that.

But I didn't have any other choice.
The wind blew once more,
And this time....the images I saw days ago returned

This time, they seem to be more solid than the last.
However, I heard my instincts.
It told me that they had left me before,
And they might do it again.
The blow of lost would be greater each time,
Till I became numb.

But my heart says just hold on tight,
they might not be blown off afterall.

Caught up between both signs,
Lost in thoughts.
Now what?

Adios
This Is Seriously Just A Story.

2009-12-19T14:37:00.002+08:00

Went out with Miss Sophia Yap yesterday.
Was too tired to post.
Anyways, went to have Lunch with her at...
Er... I forgot that place's name...
But it's in Dohby Ghuat
Food's really nice
Burnt a big hole in my pocket but guess it's worth it

Played basketball after that
Was tired on the way to Kallang
But somehow when we started playing
I became very hyper
(don't believe ask jiangmaan and laihong)

One of the rare times I got into the mood and
Scored more than usual.
Very fun.
Except when I went home and got scolded lol.

Then my internet scared the hell out of me
It suddenly top working again.
I was like...what the hell??
But after spamming clicks
Managed to make it work :]

Shall continue on my Lone after I done homework.

Adios
The Feel

2009-12-17T20:36:00.006+08:00

Went to watch "Avatar" today
Worth the money
Can't believe I had emotions for that movie
Adrenaline rush even.

Burnt a hole in my pocket.
Tmr worse. Gonna be a bigger hole.

I know my blog's very dead
And I'm like the only reader.
Well, thats because life isn't totally mine
And I cant just post whatever I want to say

Lol, Stop Deluding Myself. I Know Very Well What I Really Want To Post So You All CAn See.

I really don't know what your want.
I really want everything to be normal again,
Between all of you.
I dun like the way its like,
Why??? This is really starting to piss me off.
All of you.

Adios
What's The Problem

2009-12-16T16:00:00.002+08:00

Internet Back.

Weird. I thought I would rejoice, but I don't really feel happy.
In fact, I gotten used to the internet-less that I felt more happy
When I'm not playing the com.
Probably because I have a mad rush of homework.
Lol, my hair is growing back, but its still way shorter from what it used to be.

There's so much happening in Cambodian. Full detail I lazy type
But view here, I found someone's blog who posted all our activities

LaiHong

For the mental part of Cambodia..my thoughts in other words..

Lol really enjoyed cambodia
I mean, it's been an eye-opening experience.
Would go back there if I had the money to =(

Irony, they always wanted a life like ours, out of poverty.
But I admire their life, in a way.
Being poor has made their mutual trust for each other so strong.

Can you imagine?
Me, Jiang Maan, Xuan Kai, Johan went to eat at a restaurant,
But we entered the wrong restaurant that was beside the one we wanted
(They have no proper restaurant boundary)
But they didn't scrutinize us, but instead went to get the menu for the
restaurant we wanted for us next door!
Both shops didn't mind us sitting where
(though eventually we changeour seat to the correct restaurant)
And helped each other earn money.

And life in cambodia is at more relaxing pace
I could really look around and observe and appreciate nature,
Whereas here life is too fast and busy that we forget to appreciate nature.
-----------------------------------------------------------

I've got so much more things to say,
But I can't and I dunno how.

I Always Known Words Could Destroy If It Was Used Destructively. But I Never Thought It Could Do So Much Over A Few Weeks. Perhaps It Isn't Always Ideal To Spend Too Much Time With Friends. Because Conflicts Can Arise Within Seconds, I Realized.

I can't change the way things turned out,
But I wish it would end well.
I hope this wouldn't end badly.
But I don't want to be any part of this mess.

I'm washing my hands off, and don't get me involved again.

Adios
Lost My Trust In You, All Of You

2009-12-15T13:04:00.006+08:00

Back from cambodia
A lot of things happened in my head

Can't type out all cuz in sch, using sch laptop
Zzz com spoilt, so wont be online for some period of time.

Enjoyed cambodia, shall post in detail when I can.
Meanwhile, look at laihong and quan qin's facebook for photos
of our SL trip =]

Adios
Words

2009-11-14T12:18:00.004+08:00

----------Lone Part 3------------

I'm sinking in that quicksand.

And now, I thought about many things.
I did the only thing I could.
I swam. Or at least I tried. I reached the sandbank and pulled myself up.

Almost choked to death.
Then I suddenly wished I should have just let myself die there.

Because, I suddenly seem to have awaken from a dream.
I dunno if I had made a right choice in pulling myself up.
Then I looked in front.

I thought it was just going to be a lonely, dark journey.
But I was wrong. This journey is a torture,
It makes me feel so hurt.

How can I continue this journey?

After this experience in the pool of sand,
I realised the may things I cant do.

I can't swim, I can't cycle,
I lose my sense of directions easily.

Even when I thought I can focus when things are in distraught,
I was wrong.

It was probably a silent consolation that I can at least do something.
But the journey made sure I was wrong.
It made me admit to myself that I can't do anything.

I look at myself, I think of all the 1000 simple abilties that a human
Of my age can do, and I think I can do none.

I'm weak...
How can I hope to win the treasure I wanted,
The treasure that got me started on this journey in the first place.

I regretted my actions.
I regretted thinking that the Light was the treasure I pursued,
And ended up in this quicksand

I shouldn't have set out on this journey afterall.
I was happy before I thought about it so much.

I thought I could get the treasure if I put in sincerity and tried.
I thought I had the quality and ability to do so.
But now, I realised I thought too highly of myself.

I sat on a boulder, and tears came.
In my real life, I would never, and I mean Never!
Let tears flow.
But inside, in this journey, this is my journey.
I cannot fool my own eyes.

I know although outside, I don't let tears flow,
But right now, right here, I know I sat on a boulder
and let them flow. No one would see know, except myself,
There no need to hide my tears in my own world.

What should I do now?
What can I do?
Doubtful, Worthless.

Adios
This Is Seriously Just A Story.

2009-11-14T12:03:00.006+08:00

I been posting sequels to that story I started not too long. So I will try to write it on a total post on it's own and label it. It's labelled as "Lone"
If cant find thhat post, I have also linked it at the Links section of my blog
, under "Life"
-----------------------------------------------------

Anyways, went swimming with Jeric, Osel, Joey, Jieying, Hazeline Zihan, Chen Xi.
Lol, it was pretty fun.

After that got total pwned by Jeric at racing games
Well, I totally sucked at racing games.
Or more......

Did a lot of thinking well I swam. Or trying to swim. -.-

Haven't really learnt how to swim.
I mean not even basics.
But still able to swim.

I cant believe I learnt to run without learning to walk.
No wonder I can't run properly.

Thought about stuff.
Things that is pushing and pulling.
Been trying to push, but somethings just kept pulling me back

Finally, was gonna push away yesterday, but
I got pulled all the way back.

I know this won't make sense to readers, so ignore this.
I'm having so many doubts now.

What if...
What if...
What if...

Can I...
Can I...

So many doubts.
So overall, yesterday was really fun.
Like, really really fun.

~~Minus that getting lost and that doubting part~~

Adios
Deluding Myself, Trying To Convince Myself Of A Fact I Can't Change

2009-11-11T22:38:00.002+08:00

Just watch finished "Hotel Rwanda".

Nice.
Really interesting.
======================================
So many people died. Because of some stupid things like
I don't like your race. etc.
Just because the tutsi once oppressed the hutu, the hutu set out
On ethnic cleansing.

Such a horrible prospect.
The UN were kinda pathetic there.
Cant blame there. They no support.
The survivors of the war were lucky ones.
Because they were ambushed my the Hutu Army.
It was the UN and foreign army that saved them.

After the show, there was a epilogue.
It said, millions of body were left on the streets.

Sad story.
=========================================

Anyways... lessons are boring these days =.=

Adios
I Don't Know What's The Right Choice.

2009-11-04T20:04:00.002+08:00

Post Exams mood is the air.

Somehow, I'm not enjoying the freedom of
No more exams.

Maybe because my EOY marks are reflected from my actions
But, nevertheless, it's the road ahead that matters

Sometimes, the speed that times fies really scares me.
I'm almost sec 4 so fast.
And I'm gonna take 'O' levels in like 11 months' time.

And if you think that's short,
Then, before you know it, you might already reached that stage.

Anyway, I can't believe I can remember what Mr Gui said
In his last lesson.

The Way To Find Happiness Will Be Not To Find Happiness,
Because Where There Is Happiness, There Is Sadness.

And That, The Higher The Hopes You Bear,
The Greater The Disappointment

Been tired nowadays. Each time, I reached home,
Ate Lunch, bathed,
Then slept after playing music.

And I will wake up around 7+
Just Like Today.

Reply to Osel's tag:
Perhaps wad you said about friends is true.
But I really don't like it though.
I don't mean disliking your view,
I mean disliking that the world was made this way,
And most of the time, it's just like that.

Shall update my profile on a new wishlist.
( When I Feel Like It )

Firstly, gonna work out. Really need tat.

Zzz Zzz

Bored once again.
Anyone wanna chat?
Lol.

Adios
I Can't Tell You What To Do, But I Can Tell You To Forget It. Forget Everything I've Said.

2009-10-30T21:25:00.002+08:00

I'll try to make this really short, Cause I'm tired to blog.

Went for Cambodia packing today.
Started work around 9 and ended at...
I forgot? 1? 2?
around there?

Then helped laihong to pack her "Food For Thought"

Overall, I think I saw boxes
more than I ever seen in my life.
Cause I helped to pack last Wednesday, and the Wednesday before that.

I don't think I ever handled that much boxes in my life.
And tape. And Keys.

Reached home round 5. Bathed then slept.

Woke up around 9.
Wow.

Results sucked too.
Many Cs.

Adios
Police Tape, Chalk Line

2009-10-28T19:56:00.003+08:00

Hmm...

Been really playing com a lot these days.
Class is getting boring

Anyways, main reason for posting

Rants On Life:

----Note-------------------
The following comments are not suitable for kids under or over age of 15,
born after Feb 25, Born before Feb 25, and not by the name of Dean Lee Zi Yang.
In other words, Dun Read This.
If you get offended, it's not my prob.
-----disclaimer----------------------

Sometimes Your Jokes Are Really Too Much. It May Not To Seem To Matter To You,
But That Doesn't Mean Others Don't Mind. It's Fine When You Joke About It A Few Times, But Not When It Becomes Suaning Everyday.
I Don't Insult The Things You Do, Even If I Don't Like It.

-------------------------------

Don't Use Our Friendship Against Me.
I Have My Own Life, My Own Privacy.
I May Let You Know Some Things, But
When Sometimes It Involves My Own Privacy,
I Hope You Would Respect Me Decision Not To Share It With You.

But You Used Our Friendship Against Me
Somewhat Threatened Me.
I Don't Know If You Meant That As A Threat,
But I Really Hate This.
It Ain't The First Time.
I Think I've Been Relatively Giving In.

Not Anymore.

Threaten me all you ppl want.
Crap all you ppl want

I don't really care anymore.
Like I said in the story,
You guys are just like the images in my life,
Blown away by a wind,
Gone in a wisp.

So by all means, go ahead.

Adios
Go Away.

2009-10-25T21:55:00.006+08:00

Yay.

Twisted my ankle on Friday
Skipped CCA.

Skipped CCA to have a little bit of fun,
Then went and Twist my ankle.
How fun.

Anyways, been really bored last two days
Like, wanna go out or something, just that kinda broke.

Okay main reason for posting today.

----------------Lone Part 2-------------------

As I continued walking, I came upon a cross road.
I know which route which would suited me best.
So I walked down that road.

Then I made a mistake.
I looked back.
That has been known to be a fatal mistake made my many.
I looked back, and thought about the other path.

I thought I saw light at the end of that path.
I started to imagine all the good things.
And when I did, my senses lost control.
The desire took control.

I backtracked, ignoring all the signals and warnings to me.

I reached that crossroad again.
I convinced myself this would be the end of a long, sick journey.
The light I saw must have meant happiness.

I ran straight at it, ignoring all the warnings my sub-consciousness
Was screaming at me

Then I fell into this quicksand.
I stoned.
I really though I had seen light.
Turned out to be a broken mirrior reflecting off light from the dimishing stars.
Broken hope.

I began to sank into this quicksand, and then I regretted.
I regretted losing my senses.
Haven't once taught me enough?

And now, I'm sinking.

Is this the end?

-----------------------------------------

Miss music.
Miss drawing.

Oh well, leading a really boring life.

Adios
Drowning In The River Of Denial

2009-10-22T19:59:00.004+08:00

Gotten results today.

Failed A Maths as usual
But unexpected.
I thought I would do well for A Maths and badly for E Maths
Turned out I got A2 for E Maths but failed A Maths

I guess I didn't put in a lot of effort into A Maths.

Physics was...I dunno...

I aimed to pass. I aimed for a B3 even.
But after I got paper I thought I would fail.

But got 64%, a B4.
Surprising but saddening.
Pass, but failed my goals afterall.

Bio. Unexpected B4. Thought I could get at least B3 if not A2.
Same as A Maths. Didn't put in effort.

Chemistry

To Osel Lim:
Stop fretting over it. you already got 2 A1 for your sciences
it's okay.
It' disappointing yea, but at least you had tried.

Mine was crapping irritating.
I got an A2. But really not happy with it.
I meant if I had really dunno how do I don't mind.

People get A1 or A2 are all those MCQ score very high, pulling their paper 2 up.

I scored A1 for paper 2 but my MCQ I blankout halfway.
Left 8 Qns blank.
Got 26/ 40
Then crapping pull my A1 down.
Let this be my lesson learnt.

El, not up to my expectations.

The rest - heck care le.

I dunno if I made the right choice.
Seems like a wrong move.
Nevermind.

Was browsing through some songs in my old phone
Only post lyrics though. No point posting the songs since
I don't think anyone listens to it

Welcome To My Life - Simple Plan
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

Perfect World - Simple Plan
I never could’ve seen this far
I never could’ve seen this coming
Seems like my world’s falling apart

Yeah

Why is everything so hard
I don’t think I can deal with the things you said
It just won’t go away

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all

I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through

Yeah

I wish that I could bring you back
I wish that I could turn back time
Cuz I can’t let go
I just can’t find my way
Yeah
Without you I just can’t find my way

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all

I don’t know what I should do now
I don’t know where I should go
I’m still here waiting for you
I’m lost when you’re not around
I need to hold on to you
I just can’t let you go

Yeah
Yeah

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all
Nothing, nothing at all
Nothing at all

Guess I liked SP songs last time
Meaningful.

Adios
Miracle. Or Not.

2009-10-20T18:32:00.007+08:00

Went to sch to do stock-check for NCC room.
Then Mr Han asked Si Yuan come along
Said my job will be passed to him

Dunno what my new job is

NCC ROOM CLEANER?
Maybes.

Saw Joey and Jeric
Apparently Scouts and NPCC also doing stock-check

NOT AN EMO POST

---------------------"Lone"-------------------

As I walk down the unknown road,
In a dark night
I looked around.
I saw two crows, beak to beak

I saw faces, whom I thought was close friends
Then we walked together...
We walked, and I was happy to have company...

Then a gust of wind came
All of these images seems to dissolves in the air

I felt a sense of loss
But no sadness
I wonder why? Could it be a part of me already know this would happen
And then I pretended that I was not alone and was happy
But this gust of wind awaken me?

I walked down the road, kept thinking about the images
I hate the wind, I told myself
What was it trying to tell me?

I kept thinking, the I came across this forked road.
I can't find the signs anywhere.

I got stuck.
I stood for ages, rooted and lost.
Then I saw a pair of crows amongst all this darkness
I thought they were the pair of birds I saw

They flew together to this forked road, then they both went their own ways

I got it at last.

There are no signs because it doesn't matter which way I went
Nothing lasts forever
Maybe except for Love, as some Romantists said.

But the crows separated.

I didn't choose a road.
I just walked any one road.

Then new thoughts came to me
Could it be that only I understand myself in this cold dark world
And that those images I saw would disappear?

And that when the right ones came, they would be solid
And wouldn't get blown off?

Perhaps... so I just kept walking

TO BE CONTINUED

--------------------------------------

A little short story.

tomorrow's the day.
All the best.

Adios
Myself

2009-10-10T21:25:00.003+08:00

My last post was about songs...
And this post has got something to do with that

Got really bored after studying Chemistry.
So I stoned for a while.

And for some reason that I can't fathom,
"Six Feet Under The Stars" kept playing in my head
(refer to previous post to know that song)

Anyways, like the lyrics because I feel like the lyrics
Thats when the Inspirations came

A picture formed in my mind when it came to the chorus
So I took 5 tries to transfer the picture from my mind
Into a real drawing.
Mind you, I'm not a real artist you know.
5 tries's normal

Fall In The Grave I've Been Digging Myself
But There's Room For Two
Six Feet Under The Stars ~

This was the part of the chorus that the picture really took roots.

----------------------------------------------

The guy in the pic is what I believed would be me
Or rather, what I wished I would be.

Perhaps It's really what I'm feeling now?

The Grave that I drew in a heart shape...
Hmmm...Love Kills

I'm looking up at the stars...
And I'm wondering if there's a room for two?

This pic is
DEDICATED TO YOU.
and ME

Adios
Am I Just Reading Too Much Into It?

2009-10-09T21:25:00.015+08:00

Maths today.

Tired.
Shall study Chemistry tmr and sun.

Six Feet Under The Stars
- All Time Low

Time to lay claim to the evidence
Fingerprints sell me out
But our footprints washed away
From the docks downtown
It's been getting late for days
And I feel myself deserving of a little time off
We can kick it here for hours
And just mouth off about the world
And how we know it's going straight to hell

Pass me another bottle, honey
The Jaeger's so sweet
But if it keeps you around, then I'm down

Meet me on Thames Street
I'll take you out
Though I'm hardly worth your time
In the cold, you look so fierce
But I'm warming up
Because the tension's like a fire
We'll hit South Broadway in a matter of minutes
And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line
Fall in the grave I've been digging myself
But there's room for two
Six feet under the stars

I should have known better than to call you out
(On a night like this, a night like this)
If not for you, I know I'd tear this place to the ground
(But I'm all right like this, all right like this)
I'm gonna roll the dice
Before you sober up and get gone
I'm always in over my head

Thames Street
I'll take you out
Though I'm hardly worth your time
In the cold, you look so fierce
But I'm warming up
Because the tension's like a fire
We'll hit South Broadway in a matter of minutes
And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line
Fall in the grave I've been digging myself
But there's room for two
Six feet under the stars

Time to lay claim to the evidence
Fingerprints sell me out
But our footprints washed away
I'm guilty, but I'm safe for one more day
Overdressed and underage
Do you really need see an ID?
This is embarrassing as hell
But I can cover for it so well
When we're six feet under the stars

Thames Street
I'll take you out
Though I'm hardly worth your time
In the cold you look so fierce
But I'm warming up
Because the tension's like a fire
We'll hit South Broadway in a matter of minutes
And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line
Fall in the grave I've been digging myself
But there's room for two
Six feet under the stars
Six feet under the stars
Six feet under the stars

Is there really room for two?

Crazy abt this song and "Walls", "Damned If I Do Ya, Damned If Don't"
From All Time Low

Wish I could feel like the song?

Adios
Is It Too Much To Hope?

2009-10-05T19:21:00.003+08:00

Feeling so Crapped

Studied 3 hours of E and A Maths just for test today
But I just can't understand the questions.

So 不甘心

And I think I screwed Chinese up.

Anyways, had EL paper ytd.
I feel like saying compo's a breeze
(But I scared say le later do badly for it,
Then I have to eat my words)

Wrote about Lessons in Life.
Didn't have much probs with that.

I meant look at my blog archives and you know almost every 3 post, 1 of them will have a reflection and some of them have lessons.

But doing the compo halfway, I suddenly didnt feel good.
I worte about good lessons and painful lessons.
And when I got to the painful ones, I got more memories and lessons.

Few times since I was able to write a compo without thinking that much.
Probably cuz the story is true.

Anyways, Compre was/is a major srew-up.

Just done my Bio homework. Skipped some long answers one:)

Damn phone, of all times to spoil, why now? zzz

Adios
After the Exams, I'm Gonna Get A Shot. I Want To Try To Make A Miracle.

2009-09-28T19:29:00.007+08:00

Lots of more new thoughts,
But shall once again keep them to myself,
Because there's too much that I don't know where to start

A picture speaks a thousand words.
Many of my thoughts comes in a form of reflections and blog posts,
Many of my friends have their own way too.

But somehow today, I didn't feel like talking
I think I know why
Probably because I felt hurt by a comment that made me
silent.

I WILL POST MY REFLECTION TODAY IN PICTURES :)

--------------------------------
These are the oldest pics in my handphone

Believe me when I say I made this Eagle.

Nice?

I hung it somewhere....

Can't believe I did during Dec holidays :)
Though the eagle was really harder than I had imagined it in my mind
And I'm pretty proud of it,
Cuz it's one of the few times I actually handcrafted something I thought of
And it took me almost 2 hours

Like...I first pictures it in my mind the day before
Then been trying to make it but the wings were somehow wrong
Only after 3 failed tries then I figured out the shape of the wings
And It can REALLY FLY. I threw it a few times
It actually flew for a few secs before crashing xDDDDDDDD

Hmm...Paper was wasted in the process though...

As for that Amberfire...Last year Art !!!

-----Now For This Year's Pic------------

YUP did this in Geog. I'm sure LJM saw this before and diao-ed me
( like this >>> -.-" ) lol

"Infinite Death" Did This Today

"DarkLight" Did This Today Too

Both was during MT and and Recess and a bit of Maths. LOL

The Infinite Death is only so-so
But I like it cuz's it's simple and nice
Have no meaning behind this though. Except for one.

But I Like DarkLight. Took me two redraws before I had this.
And this holds the most meaning for what I felt today

These were what I meant at the start of this post when I said I'll post in pics :)
There is suppose to be one more pic called Broken Hope and one more Untitled which I haven't think of a name yet, but I got a rough pic in my mind because I put the comment that hurt me into that pic...
----------------------------------------------------------

And now
The meanings.....

Infinite Death's only meaning is that there's is no end to sadness. Death here doesnt mean die, just means thing that you dun like. And Infinite doesnt mean forever here, just means before your eyes that you keep seeing or hearing. Generally, things that hurt you which you don't want to face but it keeps appearing.

Darklight, told LJM meaning of this.
A few. Generally it means even things you hope for, or wished for it can't even happen in dreams, not to mention reality. Light is suppose to give Hope, Sight or Happiness. DarkLight is just the opposite. It Gives Falsed Hope in the form of sadness or torturing yourself.

Broken Hope came right after DarkLight.

And Untitled...which I think I will name it Anaesthatic ( a drug that makes you numb, but I dunno how spell).

Reasons will probably be with them next post, if I got time to draw.

Now....going to study.
Cya

Adios
Why I Wonder...Force This Away.

2009-09-24T21:26:00.002+08:00

Chemistry was a total disaster
Didn't study yesterday
The test was a total piece of crap

Left half my paper blank

Couldn't concentrate in class
Couldn't understand

Hope I can understand, since I just went back MIDAS to
Learn it again.

sleepy. Shall go revise a bit then go ZZZZZ

Adios
I Wish I Knew What You Are Thinking.

2009-09-22T21:10:00.021+08:00

Played basketball with LJM LLH.
Then about to go home when....

Then LJM's Mocha went BOOM
When he bought him, I asked him drink it
Dun leave in bag
Dun listen, see what happened

LJM SEE THIS :

不听 DEAN LEE 言，吃亏在眼前

Accompanied him to coffee shop so that he can go home later
We like young Ah Pehs, drinking soft drinks while watching TV there
Then Kimberley came, then my bus came and I went home...

Reach home at 6++
Bathe, ate, and just done my overdue MT hw and today's EL hw
Wanted to revise Chemistry and Biology,
But thanks to A FRIEND asking me to come online, have to sacrifice that.
But I'm kinda glad actually xD

-------------------------------------------------
On my previous post, I said:
Uploading Some Pictures
- Played a game when my internet was down
whereby Im the interior designer and I have to build rooms and paint them
with time limit.
But got one part of them is free style (my own house)
I found some screen shots of them. xD

Here they are, as promised:

If can't see clearly, press CLRT + to zoom in

------------Quiz Time---------------------

On the Request of THAT FRIEND ^^^
*Okay, just call him LJM, bored oh writing that friend*

As I was saying
On the Request of LJM,
Here's the quiz he wanted me to do :)

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.
The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.
What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Quite True
-------------------------------------------------------

Reflection:

This is such a long post. Spent very long on the pictures. Thanks Ben for helping me solve the link prob.

Anyway...ooonly people who really reads my post till the end will see this.
Didn't want to put in front
Cuz it's well...I dunno why
Just a voice in my head told me that.

Today, Physics had a test
I didnt know got test, totally unprepared.
Somemore missed a period of Physic cuz went for CCA stuff at 10.50am

So had not a single clue on how to do.
I know I'm deceiving myself.
I said I wanted to change my attitude for Physic

But it's so hard
Each time I try to understand, I just end up clueless.

Excuses. Yea, I know.

I dunno how to face him,
Cuz I just cant understand Physics.

Mdm Tay said some of her students rather fail Chemistry than ask her
Cuz of one setback then scared of her

That sentence kept repeating today in my mind

Mdm Tay said that some time ago, but it came back to me
So vividly and sharp, like hinting something
I wished I wouldn't remember it

Perhaps because she hit the nail on the spot,
Touched a raw nerve,
Expose my fear
Whatever phrase you can think of
To describe being found out.

I don't even know how to face Mr Gui if I could even get myself a consultation

I don't know. If you made it far enough to see this part, then dun talk to me about this

Adios
Drifting. Drifting Like A Driftwood. Drifting Like A Driftwood In The Middle Of Nowhere. When Will I See Shore?

2009-09-21T21:52:00.003+08:00

This morning had a peace walk with ncc hq.
Went to Kranji War Memorial for "supposedly" walk
Woke up at 5.30
Left home at 6.30
Reach Kranji at 7.40
Took shuttle from Kranji with Brian and Jasper
Apparently D.S and Jianxiong was together cuz they reached later
But we all met up
Waited like 1 hr for that thing to start.
They say will have a walk then a speech, then some commerative music.

The thing started then we walked like 30m
Then so fast reach le. The speech like 5 min, then one minute of silence out of respect to the dead who fought for S'pore. Then trumpet blowing commerative music. Then over.

ZZZ dumb right? ask me 5.30 wake up just for like that. ZZZZ

Met Jieying on the way home LOL.

Cuz I had a lot of time alone toady, I been thinking.
Actually 80% doing Chemistry homwework. 10% gaming
10% thinking :)

If there's a thing the school can't teach, it's human moral thinking.
They been feeding us lessons to score well etc.
But they don't really teach students about life.

I'm Ponderng.....
------------------------------------------------------
Looking back, I guess I really changed.
Regret doesn't always leave scars, it may heal too.
I learnt so much from my own reflections and others' too
When I was in sec 1 and 2, I probably look at each day as a passing day
And during recess, my thinking revolves around just me, my small group of friends.

But I loved this aspect of change.
I think I see things more as a whole now.
I take in my surroundings, I'm more mindful about words and actions

But Life isn't always fair.

Through time, I have grown and gained ability to precept at more point of views.
Reminds me of Mr Ang, Darma Teacher. I remember he gave us each a slip of paper, with a word written on it, says what harms us most what we we need most. Mine wrote "Anger". The other side was " Precept" I had a temper, and precept was my cure.

I liked that I can judge better, or hopefully not judge, but thats impossible, becausing human judge everday. Just thinking whether to jaywalk or not is already judging.

But I have perhaps feel less happy. Because when you can see things around you better, you don't always see good things.

I mean I look around, the many people are saddled with probs, Be it sch or relationships and stuff.

Now I'm lost for words. I just typed out instinctly without my mind even needing to think, and I didnt realise it's that long.
-----------------------------------------------------
Have I Just Written Out Loads Of Crap To You Guys?

Back to Reality.

Uploading Some Pictures
- Played a game when my internet was down
whereby Im the interior designer and I have to build rooms and paint them
with time limit.
But got one part of them is free style (my own house)
I found some screen shots of them. xD

(I'll upload tomorrow, Internet Lagging)

Adios
I'm Falling Too Deep

2009-09-20T21:40:00.003+08:00

Haven posted for some time cuz of internet probs
Anyways blog seems pretty dead

Somehow, I can this weird feeling that I'm alone in this world
Dun think of this statement as fear or lonely, I'm not
It's just a primitve instinct.

Maybe I really am
Not that it matters
---------------------------------

Was told recently by my CLT that
I could have attain my staff
Even if I missed half the senior spec
Cuz he could arrange for me
But too late

I felt very very disappointed
Very angry.
Felt kinda raged when someone told me it doesn't matter, who cares, just a stupid rank)
I forgot who said it, could it be a voice in my head?
I doubt so.

But now, I dun think it matters to me anymore
I mean, it's NOT just a stupid rank
It's NOT just a stupid Lanyard.

But I have to take it in my stride
That rank doesnt mean you are best
I know I am a better leader even with or without that rank.

"A Leader Takes Up The Mantle Not Because He Wants The Mantle, Because He Wears The Mantle When He Knows It's His Duty"
-

---------------------------------------------

Relationships

Doesn't scare me anymore
Sees no point of it anyway
------------------------------------------

My Focus.
GOOD GRADES
-----------------------------------------------

I've got a lot to talk about the last few days I couldn't use com
But suddenly, I wish to hold it all inside.

Tan Aihua wanted me to write a speech about feelings.

I rejected her immediately.
I am a Thinker, I know myself.
But at the same time, I know I am selfish
And wished to let my thoughts be Mine, and Mine only

Are there really true friends?
I shouldn't mistrust my friends like this.
I shouldn't let my fears control me,
Lead me to think that I'm alone
But then again, what if my thoughts were right?
I tried to convince myself that my friends will stay
As loyal, as a friend to me
But am I deluding myself?
Nowadays, I coop up at home, and dun feel like facing anyone
WHY?

I don't know.
I feel something lacking in my friendships.
I need trust.

THIS IS NOT EMO POST ZZZ

Adios
Lay Your Heart Next To Mine, I Feel So Alive

2009-09-12T12:38:00.002+08:00

The Cambodia Pre-Course was really fun.
Minus the lecture part
I only tried one of the two High Elements circuit
Wished I could have tried the other one
Partnered Brian

Most likely I'll let Ben's pictures do the talking
(If he posted la)

Had some thoughts about it,
But shall keep them to myself.

But I learnt that only under pressure will you know who are those that really gives a hoot about you and not themselves

Anyway, had a "nice" morning that day. Before I went for the pre-course.

Heaven Can Wait is really nice.
We The Kings ~

- Chemistry homework is easy, but it kills -

Adios
We Are The Master Of Ourselvs. Fear Is Only An Obstacle To Power. Once You Defeat Fear, You Have Power

2009-09-03T21:59:00.004+08:00

Friday
Tired.
Army Open House was really cool this year,
But apparently we all didn't like it.
Heatstroke + no water = Major Tired.

Couldn't blame the juniors for the way they felt about AOH
----------------------------------------------------------

Saturday
Played com the whole day. Not fun zzz
Went to Changi General Hospital to get immunisation
But they say SAT dun have ZZZZ
Waste transport fees and time zzz
Decided to go to SATA on Mon
More reliable services there
----------------------------------------------------------

Today
Played com morning
Osel came my house for a while
Then went to play basketball with Laihong and Kim
Was/Is/It's really fun
Played match with people there.
Random team-up
Me, LLH, Kim, Kim's brother, LLH brother
VS
Osel, and 4 others ppl
Hmm...Their team isn't good.
They dun make good use of teamwork..
So I guess we won?
Cuz only I can block Osel's rebound
Cuz we nearly same height.

My shooting not good though
Can aim, but always overshot.
Too much strength I think

Arms Aching Now

-------------------------------------------
REFLECTION TIME AGAIN !!!!

Firstly, Thanks Hazeline for giving me that note on teacher's day
Though I'm not a teacher or what.
In response to your note,
Whatever I said was from experience, observation and thinking.
Wisdom....well, I'm still far from it.
(btw, I had a very strong vision last night.
A voice told me to be a teacher when I look for a job after school life)

And the "This Is Curry. Really"
Yea, really authentic curry.
Enjoy it (by staring at it?)

LOL that note did meant something to me. Really.Thanks again

Next,
Life is unfair.
CE had a reflection.
Had to write about a teacher you like?
Was forced to do it
Didn't have any teachers I like.
Wanted put Ibrahim, but wad Mdm Tay said really affected me
Somehow, now I feel all teachers are hypocrites,
So I put a teacher that I don't feel that is hypocrite
I put Miss Sophia Yap:)

Then cambodia pre-course is on 11th Sep
My Senior Spec on 10-12th Sep
Have to choose between one
WOW

I tried so had to get the cake.
But now I can't eat it
What's a joke.

I've decided on Cambodia, so gonna give up my First/Staff/Master/
Tsk.

"The Hardest Lie To Forgive Is The One You Haven't Tried Accepting"
- Lee

------------------Ending-----------------------------------

I shall end with my answer to a long-fought question:

Which came first, the Chicken or the EGG.

Answer: Chicken.

If egg came first, and is not fertilsed by any chickens, there wont be any chicks
So Chickens must come first, to have eggs, fertilise them, and hatch them.

Thats only my answr. Still have many rebutals to it.
That's why it's been a long-fought question for centuries:)

Adios
I Wished I Knew What You Were Thinking.

2009-09-02T20:18:00.002+08:00

Finally free these days.
Played basketball for past few days.
Pretty worned out

A lot things happened at the same time, and each blew me hard.
I will overcome them all
----------------------------------------------------------------

Adios
I Want It, Even If It's Torture

2009-08-29T11:39:00.002+08:00

Tied Down.

I'm chewing off more than I can bite
And I can't stop it.

Anyways, went to NCC HQ yesterday for briefing
for the course.
Was quite short, but they delivered the point.
Seems like we'll need to revise old commands tha we haven't done for some time.
Then was 5 of us squeezed into a teacher's car.
Was dropped at Aljunied MRT

MRT-ed to Kallang.
Met up with Laihong, Kimberley, LJM, Benjamin
and two other guys (kimberley's friends?)

played basketball
LOL
I total noob at it -.-
Then went home
--------------------------------------------------------------

Got back most results
In fact, I think got back all
My both Maths results was nothing to be proud of...
Surprising got B4 for Chemistry and Physics.

Happy to get 30/50 for Physics, because I somehow doubt it.
I mean, at the last page of paper, Mr Gui had a
"I expect to get ___/ 50 "
Then I wrote 30 for fun
But it really came true...
Chem dropped from B3 to B4
B4 got 63% 1 more mark to get B3
Will fight for it on Wednesday?

Geog, total disaster...
SS...urgh...sucks
Combined Humanities got 54.1 ZZZ
one mark away from C5

Overall failed Biology only?
But it really sucks.
Mid-Year done well for chem and bio, badly for physics.

Just when I started trying hard for Physics, Biology came to hit me down.
Funny, isn't it? But It's Funny In A Way That I'm Not Laughing.

But somehow, I already knew I would do badly.

Adios
I Don't Want It To Stop, It's Secretly Hurting Me, But I Want To Feel It, Even If It Hurts

2009-08-27T19:57:00.003+08:00

Haven tried to update profile page of my blog. Too lazy

Hmm....
Wasn't in a particulaylr good mood today
Especially morning.
Now that I got reminded of it, I'm starting to feel moody again

Done really badly biology.
Despite studying for almost 2 days for it, I stil failed.

And then there's Geography.
I feel so helpless about it, and so bu gan xin.
Like, I should be happy that I got 11/20 counting that I did not do a 5 mark question
and did not complete another 5 mark question, so it was a miracle. But, looking back, I'm sure I could have done better
If there wasn't a lack of time

No point feeling desperate now...

Thanks Laihong for the effort in trying to find marks for my biology to help me pass.
But, it doesnt affect much.

No Inspirations Recently...
Adios
What really means something to me?

2009-08-20T23:20:00.002+08:00

Locked my blog up for 30 min to do major editing to this skin
Should be bug-free and links should work :)

Now to do final touches to music, cbox etc

Ben, thanks for that remainder about not hating physics

I feel such a letdown to Mr Gui.
I just cant to do physics well, even after so much effort mr gui put in.
I thought of giving up on it.

Maybe I should try it?

Adios
Hmmm....

2009-08-19T20:07:00.002+08:00

Shall do a short post

Den do revision for Phy and Bio.

Haven't been scoring well in maths these day
And Physics just puts me off.
Or Is It Because I Didnt Put In Enough Effort For Physics?

Oh Well.
YTD had expository workshop.

A workshop is only effective if the students can remember it
But if we cant even remember it,
Then It's Not Much Help.

CCA was okay.
At least the sec 1 although a bit guai lan,
But at least they are more innocent and obedient
Sec 2...most of them look ganster and hooligans, but they're nice to get along with
Just that I'm quite pissed off with some people for being racists.

Sec 3. No comments. Disappointed with some of them.

Mistakes Are The Lessons
Failures Are Steps To Success
- by Mobile TV (on bus)

Adios
...

2009-08-17T21:09:00.002+08:00

Exam stress.

Studied most of my chem today.
Not that I'll remember them
Hate Chpt 7(Diamonds) and 16(Salts) the most
can understand but hard to memorise
...

Blew up today.
Hurled a vulgarity in class (softly)
When Fahmy asked abt Maths CMT
An action which I profoundly regretted
Because it was wrong. And rash.

But I'm sure I'm gonna flunk my maths test now
Why?
I'm not sure if I'm right but I believe my calculator has beed tampered with
I know who did it of course
Right after the paper you borrowed my calculator
I asked why and he said check whether your sin(30) = 1/2
It should by all rights, but it didnt.
So my trigon sure screwed
But my thought was how come he knew about that? Don't tell me it could have been me that did that by accident, because I did a trigo homework the day before and it was still fine.

I'm trying hard to convince myself that person wouldn't do this to me
Even if he hated me that much
But all evidence points to him.

Fahmy sorta heard my vulgarity and he heard about my suspicion
Said he wanted talk to me after Maths
I went to MT dierectly after that
Didnt meet him.
Cos' I alr knew what he wanted to ask
And I didnt feel like telling him.

What's done cant be undone
Hope you're happy now.
-------------------------------------------------

Another issue:
Hope You're Serious Abt This.
I Won't Say Anything Cos You're Friend
But If You Hurt Her, I Dun Think Her Friend Will Let You Off

Adios
You Have No Idea How Much I Want To Make You Pay

2009-08-16T20:29:00.004+08:00

Common Test Week = Tomorrow.
Haven't been studying hard enough.

Cant seem to concentrate these days
Re-read my "Kite Runner" storybook
Never fail to have inspirations after that.
It such a enthralling book, and well...

Anyways, hectic morning today.

LJM SEE THIS HOR !!!

My answer to your question about love (that took me so long to reply:]):

Because 1+1=2
1+1 will always be 2 and you can't change that
Just like you cant stop loving someone overnight that you loved
Maybe it'll take ages.

10 years down the road...
10 years down the road....you may stop loving someone and thats natural.
Because if Time can heal all wounds, Time can also erase all good things.
Once you lost touch with that other half for years, Time will start healing and erasing

Unless you get to see that person everyday.

Time Does It's Job With A Price. It Can Heal All Wounds, And Yet, It Can Take Some Happiness Away As It's Payment. And I Have Mentioned Before, TIme Can't Heal Wounds Caused By Time Itself

----------------------------Quiz Time-------------------------------
Personality Quiz. Take it here

Dreamy Idealist

Dreamy Idealists are very cautious and therefore often appear shy and reserved to others. They share their rich emotional life and their passionate convictions with very few people. But one would be very much mistaken to judge them to be cool and reserved. They have a pronounced inner system of values and clear, honourable principles for which they are willing to sacrifice a great deal. Joan of Arc or Sir Galahad would have been good examples of this personality type. Dreamy Idealists are always at great pains to improve the world. They can be very considerate towards others and do a lot to support them and stand up for them. They are interested in their fellow beings, attentive and generous towards them. Once their enthusiasm for an issue or person is aroused, they can become tireless fighters.

For Dreamy Idealists, practical things are not really so important. They only busy themselves with mundane everyday demands when absolutely necessary. They tend to live according to the motto “the genius controls the chaos” - which is normally the case so that they often have a very successful academic career. They are less interested in details; they prefer to look at something as a whole. This means that they still have a good overview even when things start to become hectic. However, as a result, it can occasionally happen that Dreamy Idealists overlook something important. As they are very peace-loving, they tend not to openly show their dissatisfaction or annoyance but to bottle it up. Assertiveness is not one of their strong points; they hate conflicts and competition. Dreamy Idealists prefer to motivate others with their amicable and enthusiastic nature. Whoever has them as superior will never have to complain about not being given enough praise.

As at work, Dreamy Idealists are helpful and loyal friends and partners, persons of integrity. Obligations are absolutely sacred to them. The feelings of others are important to them and they love making other people happy. They are satisfied with just a small circle of friends; their need for social contact is not very marked as they also need a lot of time to themselves. Superfluous small talk is not their thing. If one wishes to be friends with them or have a relationship with them, one would have to share their world of thought and be willing to participate in profound discussions. If you manage that you will be rewarded with an exceptionally intensive, rich partnership. Due to their high demands on themselves and others, this personality type tends however to sometimes overload the relationship with romantic and idealistic ideas to such an extent that the partner feels overtaxed or inferior. Dreamy Idealists do not fall in love head over heels but when they do fall in love they want this to be a great, eternal love.

Adjectives which describe your type: introverted, theoretical, emotional, spontaneous, idealistic, dreamy, effusive, pleasant, reserved, friendly, passionate, loyal, perfectionist, helpful, creative, composed, curious, obstinate, with integrity, willing to make sacrifices, romantic, cautious, shy, peace-loving, vulnerable, sensitive, communicative, imaginative

Hmm.....true?

Adios
Do Miracles Really Happen?

2009-08-14T23:45:00.004+08:00

Nice day.
(I'm fooling myself)
(which part of today was even nice?

Anyway the quote on my pm wasn't complete, but the essentials were there

People Aren't Your Colouring Book.
You Can't Colour Everything In Your Favourite Colours
Just Like You Can't Change Everyone To Be What You Want Them To Be

Even If They're As Black As Possible,
Even If They Are Muddy Brown
Even If They're Just Colours You Hate So Much,

You Cant Just Colour A New Colour Over It.

Quite True.
I'm Done Trying.

CMT coming soon.
I Need To Focus.

CCA sucks.
Just When I Thought We Could Finally Start To Earn The Respect
Our Juniors, And Control Them
It Had To Screw Up. Not Majorly, But Still...

------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Thought Came To My Mind

In Bio, we learnt that carbon monoxide is fatal humans
As it stops breathing
So a person sleeping in a car with engine on could literally die in their sleep
When I'm Dying One Day, I'll Probably Sleep In A Car With The Engine On :)

Adios
Being Committed Hurts, Yet Ignoring It Feels Uneasy

2009-08-12T21:10:00.002+08:00

OMFG!!!

Internet Works Again?!

been out for like O.0 two weeks?
These two weeks hasn't been good yea....
lol shall change blogskin soon...

suddenly my CCA isn't what I hoped for it to be
suddenly I realised my CCA is just a shadow of it's past

Next time...tired now

What did you hope to see?

Adios
I Know This Is An Unattainable Dream; And So, My Eyes Fill With Tears Again

2009-08-04T16:12:00.002+08:00

Now in com lab.
Taking this chance to blog as com broke down.

A lot of inpirations to blog
Just that dunno got time

Nowadays lessons are suckish.

I'm Feeling Weird.

Somethings Just Cant Be Back They Way They Used To Be, Unless I CAn Get Over It. I Can Be Your Best Friend All Over Again, If You Can Just Give Me Time To Get Over You

Adios
I Know This Is An Unattainable Dream; And So, My Eyes Fill With Tears Again

2009-07-19T11:29:00.006+08:00

Hmm...Feeling like the song Faint

I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact
That everyone can see these scars

I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do
I can't convince you to just believe this is real

So, I let go watchin' you, turn your back
Like you always do, face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you are all that I've got

I can't feel the way I did before, don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored,
Time won't change this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored

I am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident
'Cause you don't understand, I do what I can
But sometimes I don't make sense

I am what you never want to say but I've never
Had a doubt, it's like no matter what I do
I can't convince you for once just to hear me out

So, I let go watchin' you, turn your back
Like you always do, face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you are all that I've got

I can't feel the way I did before, don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored,
Time won't change this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored

No, hear me out now, you're gonna listen to me
Like it or not, right now, hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me like it or not, right now

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored

I can't feel the way I did before, don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored,
Time won't change damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored

I can't feel........Don't turn your back on me,
I won't be ignored,
Time won't change........Don't turn your back on me,
I won't be ignored

A-Not-So-Fun-And-Very-Boring-Weekend

ZZZ.

Missed Harry Potter on Friday Cos' For Some Unknown Reason
Some voice in my head told me I wouldn't want to go
Some voice in my head says I gotta go
Some voice in my head says I Dont' Know
Some force in my mind stopped me from going.

Ended up staying in school till 5. Wasted a afternoon.
But well, Minus the fact that I didnt go watch with them,
And the fact that they didnt watch it after all cos tickets sold out,
It was well wasted.

Because once again, I went to comp lab, did the lame maths
Then loitered around with Ljm.
A Lot Of Thoughts Were Going Through My Mind.

Would It Be Different If I Didnt Tell You How I Felt?
Am I Still Be Regarded As Your Best Friend,
Like I Still Regard You As Mine?
Would I Ever Talk To You Again?
When Was The Last Time I Talked To You Verbally?

P.s I suddenly feel like going to the playground opposite the old school

P.s.s The Disable-Highlighting function code that I put in works well, but ppl are still viewing the page source -_- Will find a code to block my posts from being viewed in page source.

Adios
I Know This Is An Unattainable Dream; And So, My Eyes Fill With Tears Again

2009-07-16T20:12:00.011+08:00

"Life Is Hard, You Have To Learn To Let Go"
Lol by Mdm Cheah

Hmm...Lets see
Class was okay today
Except for some buggers

Physics was exceptionally fun
Launched a rocket.

Oh well.

---Dun Read This, For If It Offends You, I'm Not Responsible--
Perhaps I've never shown it, but it really bugs me that when you take my seat, at least have some courtesy not to rummage my stuff. Pencil box all these I dun care, but not my bag or under my table. Yea, so what, that I drew graffiti of names and maple stuff during geog. No point showing it to everyone and right? Just because her name was there with others, you/you guys think it's funny. Oh, whatever.

I really had enough of you, you know who you are.

And even if I drew maple things on it so what? Fine, maple is lame, I agree, but as long as it helps me relieve stress, I dun see why I can't play it. If you think maple is lame, fine, then your dun play la! No need come in front of me and say maple lame, maple suck all those crap for me to hear. No need to cut in and interupt that maple sucks when we're talking about it. Saying that the game lame doesn't affects me. Your attitude does.

I mean, no one ever bothers you when you play your game, so why bother me? I feel that sudden attack has not-so-great graphics and sometimes sucks, but did I crap to you and say "Ai your still playing ...., lame sia" these kinda stuff. Its not just today, I didnt want to say anything at all about it, but I've blown up now. I'm not a attention seeker or whatever. You guys do what you want, making me look idiotic, nicknamed her and my name together. You guys never asked if I wanted that kinda of things, just went on to make me look like a attention seeker with those names that I didn't even want. I didnt wanna say anything because I regard it as a joke, but joke have limits too.
Yea, I do joke too much to, but there's a time for everything. And some just aren't.

Disheartening.

Shall buy a 1.5l bottle for Physics tomorrow.

Adios
Tolerance Ain't Easy

2009-07-15T21:06:00.002+08:00

Boring Day.

This is only gonna be a short post, while my game is loading
Chatted with Osel on bus
What's The Purpose Of Life
Whats The Purpose Of School?

This world was created, and humans live a good 70 years
But at the end of it, there's nothing.

CCA RESUMES. MOE SUCK.

Adios
When The Sandcastles Are Washed Away, Is There A Way To Get It Back?

2009-07-14T20:47:00.002+08:00

Hmm...My 100th Post Since The Blog Was Created -.-

While in my own time...
Got really bored.

Somehow, I wished I had Maths Homework Everyday
Then, I could do Maths all the time and not think or things
that upsets me.

Inspirations Scarcity.

This Is Not What I Intended
I Always Swore To You I'll
Never Fall Apart
You Always Thought That
I Was Stronger
I May have Failed
But I've Loved You From The Start

Fall For You ~ Secondhand Senerade

Hmm.. Realized Something Today
If a car were to knock me down,
And if I die, is there anything I can't bear to let go?
Family?
I think besides my family and the sky and ocean,
Nothing in this world seems to hold me back
Not Anymore.
Used to, perhaps, but not now, perhaps not ever again.

Lessons sucks. Esp Mother Tongue
Dread doing to MT now.
Two reasons mainly.
But It's For Me To Know, And NOT For You To Find Out

CCA resuming soon.
HATE MOE now

My Beach Now Has Just The Sea.
My Most Beautiful Sandcastle Has Just Been Washed Away
And I See No Way To Salvage It
What's Left Behind's Just Broken Remains Of My SeaShells
I Shall Stop Trying To Rebuild SandCastles.
I Will Take The Remains Of The Seashells
And Toss Them Into The Sea Like Worthless Stones.
An Empty Beach ~

I think nobody remembers the beach post, so
I shall just let it end here.
Only some people will get what this post^^ mean.

If I Hate You, This Curve Blade Won't Hit You,
But Both Sides On Me Because I Won't Bear To Let It Hit You.
If Hatred Is Really Poison, I Would Poison Myself Thousands Times Over So That You Won't Be Posioned.
If I Hate You, I Only Hate Myself More.

Adios
My Beach Is Empty.

2009-07-09T20:44:00.002+08:00

I Wanna Runaway, Never Say Goodbye
I Wanna Know The Truth, Instead Of Wondering Why
I Wanna Know The Answers, No More Lies
I Wanna Shut The Door And Open Up My Mind

Been some time since I last blog any reflections.
Been reflecting much, but not the time to post
Not in the mood to post.
Perhaps shouldn't even post.

Been almost more than a year since I last heard any
Old Linkin Park songs.
Was thinking really hard today when I got reminded about
"Runaway"

Haven't heard it for months

5 People I Really Wanna Meet Now:
1) My Maker - Tell me why I existed
2) The Thinker - Tell me why life sucks
3) Issac Newton - Ask him why so so act-smart, make sch life so hard
4) Money - Why Am I so Poor?
5) Romeo and Juliet - Tell Me How To Stop Loving

Hmm..only number 1,3 and 5 sounds right, the rest like random zzz
--------------------------------------------------------------------

I know this sounds dumb but
"had you ever felt you let a teacher down?"

I need to buck up for physics. Though Mr Gui doesn't say a thing,
But I can't continue fallin asleep in Phy or failing my exams
And now I'm so tempted to drop bio cos I cant cope with Phy

Giving Up What You Had Experienced Is Hard.

But Giving Up What You Never Had, And Only Held On To It Tightly In Your Mind Is Even Harder.

Is This Really It? The end? Must I really end this and flip to last last page
where it says " The End" ? It it really time to let go of a book that you can never read, as much as you try? I Think So.

Adios
This Time, It's For Real

2009-07-04T14:46:00.003+08:00

Com broke down was these two days
Was bored though
Cos everyday school end around 4, stay back till 6
Then go home bathe eat do homework alr 9
Then lie down in bed ZZZ le
No time to even get bored

Had many inspirations ytd. Yea.
Shall post them later

The El 5 ppl you meet in heaven skit was fun
Got highest points
At least getting whacked by xuankai for like 10+ times was worth it
Cos our rehearsal was like " scene 1, take 10" "scene 2, take 14" "scene 3, take 5"
Cos first scene is me getting whacked, second is Ljm getting whacked
So overall, i whacked Jeric and Ljm more than xk whacked me =D
But in the process of the reshearsals, Osel ripped a button of my shirt T_T

During the actual skit, I'm so sorry I really hit Jeric. Was supposed to pretend hit ljm, but somehow Jeric got too close, and hit Jeric instead. X_X Sorry Jeric.

Then waited for Jieying and Hazeline to study
Had a lot of inspirations
Then met the Life Sciences peeps, Ibrahim and Cheryl Lee

Went to buy drinks, and ended blind micing.
Fun. Xk, Jeric...If you two went blind, you guys wont survive !! Lol
Osel ate his words when I became blind mice:
Haha..you cant get me, i'm too mobile"

And then.....*cant tell you, Osel will murder me*

LOL only ppl there knew wad happened lol

And now...Inspirations

First one

Every Friend Has A Bond
Each Time They Quarrel, A Knot Is Added To The Bond
And Two Things Happen
The Bond Either Strengthens
But It May Also Break
A Crisis Can Break You Or Make You
But True Friends Will Not Break Their Bonds
So A Quarrel Is Not Always A Bad Thing
It Depends On You
Don't Be Afraid To Add Knots To Your Bond
For It Shows You Who Your Trues Friends Are
And It Won't Break If You Have Confidence And Trust
In Your Friend And Your Bond

Hmm...It's missing a poetic touch to it.....

Second one

Best Friends Aren't Your Shadows
They Aren't Your Pets
They Don't Have To Be You
If You Hate Someone, You Can't Expect Them To Hate Them Too
Yea, Though We All Want Our Best Friends' Support
But Sometimes, Support Is Not By Following Us
Because If Your Best Friend Always Follow You,
Then He's Only Your Shadow
Best Friends Do Not Always Follow Each Each Other
That's Why They're Called Friends, Not Pets
Best Friend Support EAch Other By Teaching EAch Other Lessons
Being There For Each Other, But Not By Following
But By Actions Of Their Own.

~Aknowledgements~
Credited to
Jieying & Hazeline
Five People You Meet In Heaven
Lee

Need some time alone in my life
Mayby my mum was right to object to BGRs
I dunno, time to give up? Hurts to think abt it
Go away these thought, for you're killing me

Adios
Brave Fronts, Tears Behind

2009-06-25T11:39:00.003+08:00

Had an inspiration ytd
But was to tired to post

"Life Is Like A Beach.
Memories Are Like The Sand, Time Like The Waves
Over Time, Memories Builds Up Like Sand Castles
But Time Is Cruel And Selfish
It Washes Everything Away For Itself
Only The The Best Sandcastles Stays
Just Like The Best Memories Stays Unforgettable"

~ A Tribute To Everlasting Memories ~
Lee

Adios
Time Is Cruel, As Washes Everything Away For Itself

2009-06-16T17:54:00.002+08:00

Just Had An Inspiration

I couldn't figure out why I hated teachers after the mid-year
Esp teachers like Mr Ibrahim, Mr Fahmy, Mr Gui.
I refuse to see them and try not to meet them at all

It's only till rcently that I think I got it figured out.

It's because I too ashamed to face them
I'm afraid to face them
I did not hand-up CE hw that was ue 2 months ago
And did really badly for both Maths and Physics

And I think I irritated Mr Ibrahim.

The Mad Rush To Complete My Haomework Never Ends
But It Helps If Your Teammates Are Coorperating.
Apparently My Teammates Need More Motivating

Adios
I Know This Is An Unattainable Dream; And So, My Eyes Fill With Tears Again

2009-06-14T18:46:00.003+08:00

Had a very fun time today
Thanks Hazeline for asking me to go
Thanks Jieying for coming too
Thanks Ben for coming AGAIN even though you went last night

F.I.R, Vanness Wu, Ocean Ou some celebraties
Had a really great time lol

Went for lunch
OH GOD !!!
That was the first time I ever waited 1h plus for my food
Me, Jieying, Hazeline, and Ben all ordered from the same stall
Ben got his after almost 1h plus he go complain
Then complained again before Jieying got hers
After a long time me and Ben complained then
They served me and Hazeline.
-.-
The food was nice
but the service sucks.

Then walked to Bedok Mrt
On the way
Ben kept trying to nudge me onto the road -.-
Then some of the people in the group wanted to go lan
Ben went with them
Somemore play Left 4 Dead
SO TEMPTING sia
But gotta reach soon at 5
alr late liao
so chances of going = 0
T_T

lol on the mrt was fun.
We went up the elevator too late,
Saw the doors closing.
Tot have to wait
Suddenly heard some ppl shout
Wilfred and Liwen stopping the door from stopping
We all run in lol
Dangerous but fun (shh...pretend you didnt see this)

LOL great day today.

Adios
Fun

2009-06-07T21:26:00.002+08:00

Camp finally over
Yea, although we screwed some parts and got punished
(and although I can't believe I'm saying this but)
I actually did learn from the camp and had my moments of fun

I learnt how to be a leader.
Yea, we screwed up some activites, but still
Laser Tag was great wasn't it?

Yea, though the sec 3 only slept 2-4 hours
Or not even slept at all for the camp,
It was still pretty good

Yea, although I skipped 2 meals everyday,
It was pretty worth it
To have your juniors tell you your camp was fun

And the Night Pt cum Punishment was a lesson to us
Wasn't it
Regardless of what happened that night
Or what the CLTs told me about you guys
I regard everyone there as a true friend

"No One Gets Leave Behind"

I read that from "five ppl you meet in heaven"

For the first time, I really understood it
The punishment really made us see the true meaning
of Teamwork, Friendship and Care for Fellow Cadets.

From the punishment, we either survive and become stronger and closer
Or we Break
I'm pretty sure we came out more united.

===================================================================

For now, I'm feeling pretty tired
Not to mention sick
Because of skipping two meals,
I'm feeling nauseous and I was told it is due to unbalanced diet.
But I'll recover
But for now, rest is wad I need

Adios
No One Gets Leave Behind.

2009-06-03T20:56:00.002+08:00

Class gathering was fun

Wouldn't blog all of it
Cos there's a lot

Khairul brought a guitar
He, Osel and me went singing outside
The first day BBQ
With lots of thanks to
Jeric, the one who blew out and started the fire
Laihong, the cook
Jasper, another cook
Xuan kai, very helpful "advice"
And Meng Meng, for fanning the pit with Jeric

First night
Went night swimming with Osel, Ben and Khairul
Did more slacking than swimming
Chose the wrong pants to go swimming with =.=

Then slept with earpiece and music
Trying to sing softly with Osel in the mid of night
But told to shut up lol
PSPS. lol

Second day
Mad rush
Woke up late
Taxi-ed home to get sch U
Tazi-ed back to sch for Life Science
Hate the freaking traffic jam at Ubi
my taxi could have only cost 5 or 6 bucks
went up to 9++ bucks thanks to the jam.
ZZZ

Den couldn't go Wild Wild Wet
Me Osel both Broke
sorry if we were spoiledsports, but we couldnt afford go WWW and I didn't
Want to borrow $$$
In the end went swimming again
With Osel, Siofan and Xk
Xk didnt have any choice.
He was pushed into the swimming pool
While considering
By Zizhong
Good Job. lol.
This time really swam
Though I swim very slow, cause just started to learn
But fun

Then..........................a lot of things then went home
Intended to sleep only after 12am
But fatigue overtook me
So ps and sorry

New song by LP - New Divide

Adios
Your Voice Was All I've Heard, That I Get What I Deserved

2009-05-31T19:47:00.002+08:00

Looking forward to class camp
Cos I wanna get out of my life
Be free for three days

I dunno why I type this post
But a lot of thoughts are running through my head now
I decided.

Time to let go
In fact, not just let go
But to bury it and never let it out again
Till I Reach ITE or Poly
No More JC beacuse my L1R5 isn't gonna get me anywhere
In fact not even Poly or ITE

I severely need a teacher in A Maths and Phy
Before Mdm Tay really puts me in other classes
Because if I still get L1R5 at least 14 by Common Test 2,
Den Say Bye To 3C

====Cut Off Dun Read.================================

Once An Experience
Twice Some Pain
Thrice's A Fool

I've experienced the burden of feeling
I've got pain from feelings
But I'm not gonna try to be a fool anymore

An another criteria of PSL is must be strong and not breakdown
Without these feelings, I probably won't break
Because you won't break without feelings

I lost some trust
And some lost my trust

Ignore this. This is Crap

Adios
I Know This Is An Unattainable Dream; And So, My Eyes Fill With Tears Again

2009-05-29T22:33:00.002+08:00

I hate this feeling.

Whay the heck is the school doing
Must we also changes teachers

And then
I feel that many teachers are hypocrites
None to be trusted

And then there's this dilernma deep inside.
I can't solve it.

CCA is killing me again.

I tried to be postitive. It didnt work

I Don't Know Who To Trust, No Surprise
Everyone Feels So Far Away From Me
Heavy Thoughts Sift Through Dust, And The Lies
Trying Not To Break
But I'm So Tires Of This Deceit
Every Time I Try To Make Myself Get Back On My Feet
All I Ever Think Is This
All The Tiring Time Between
And How
Trying To Put My Trust In You
Just Takes So Much Out Of Me

Pathetic results I got
L1R5 25
Might as well just drop to Combined Science.
Maybe Mdm Tay Was Right
No use clinging to it when it's not gonna help

Apple Or Grapes
I really dunno.
Sour Grapes.
Sweet Apple

Haiz.

Adios
I Just Lost My Trust In Everyone Today.

2009-05-25T20:43:00.002+08:00

Today's post is totally about Freedom Writers

Not supoosed to be nice cos it's holiday homework, thats what I tot at first.
But I was wrong
Found it to be very inspiring(though some told me they found it boring -.-)

Regretted not writitng down some really meaningful quotes
But overall, it was nice.

Respect Is Earned By Giving To Respect To Others

Respect Doesn't Come Being Heroic, Nor Power
You May Be A Gang Leader Whom People Fear
But When You Die, No One When Respect You
Because All You Left Behind In This World
Is A Pathetic Piece Of Paper
You Won't Be Remembered

I felt it was well-said

~~Hope Could Be A Painful Torture~~

Adios
When A CCA Sucks, Is It The CCA Fault? Or Just THe People Inside? Use Your Brains, Bastard

2009-05-24T20:37:00.003+08:00

Won't post most of my results. Didnt need to upset myself
Just disappointed with my A Maths and Bio.

Happy that I passed Chem and Geog cos I spent three days choing those.
Anyway passed EL cos got 49.5, then computer rounded up to 50.
I remember Mdm Tay telling us about how she managed to pass her Physics at her A levels she said it was a fake mark cos it was by luck that she got that mark. I feel that my El pass is a fake. It was only rounding up that let me pass. So inside, I knon I failed EL.

A Maths: I deserved to fail. Over-confident, I guessed.

Bio: I must work harder

Throw it away.
Forget yesterday.

Adios
Exams Over.

2009-05-16T16:00:00.003+08:00

Been Lazy To Update

Anyways...Pretty sure I'm gonna flunk a lot of subjects
Physics confirmed

I just hope I get at least a B4 for chem and geog
I studided very hard for those two

Tag Replies:
---------------------------------------------------------
14 May 09, 21:06
LJM: lolz dean nice strikeout msg(:
Lee:I shall delete it NOW

14 May 09, 16:47
siofan: not unexpected
Lee: Wad talking you?

9 May 09, 18:38
L: i w8 and the chance came. but i gave a _|_
Lee: lol. I guess you would have.

9 May 09, 18:37
L: w8 for 1/2 a yr... then give up.
Lee: haiz...

29 Apr 09, 23:39
Ben: LOL! All the more I dont want to make love off! Cus I have to make sure you dont get too depressed (: LOL.
Lee:huh? Wad talking you?
----------------------------------------------------------------

Adios
Every Roses Has It's Thorns

2009-05-04T22:06:00.004+08:00

Haven been blogging

Watched X-men Origins: Woleverine with Hazeline, Benjamin and Cheryl.
Had an exciting time (:
Thanks loads

Learnt a line from Wolverine and the old man :
Everyone Has A Choice, But Mine Was Taken Away

Today was boring
Once again reflected.
Shouldn't have let CE ppt dragged till now

And told someone this, though I forgot who I told

MYE has helped me in one way. I see that the absence of CCA has made my life more pleasant.

=edited=

^^^Looking for something?? :) ^^^^

Adios
Seriously, What Am I To You?

2009-04-28T20:01:00.003+08:00

Was Pretty Happy Today Before Lunch

Cos I Never Thought Putting Effort
Can Really Brings Results

Tried to listen in Geog
And actually didnt fall asleep nor forget to bring TB for the first time

Well, but was disappointed in Bio after lunch.
That sinking feeling
although still a B, but I knewed I can score better
If I had studied.
My concepts was there but my answer didnt answer the qns.
Haiz.

Should I go Study Now?

Adios
I Don't Want To Be Like This. I Will Change For The Better

2009-04-27T18:08:00.002+08:00

Theft Is The Biggest Sin

Thats What I learnt From A Storybook "The Kite Runner"
This book really inspires...some philosopy

When You Steal Something, You Rob Someone's Rights To IT

When You Murder, You Steal Someone's Right To Live

When You Kill A Man,
You Steal Someone's Husband And A Child's Father

When You Lie, Yo Steal Someone's Right To The Truth.

All the sins comes within Theft.

Anyway...oral turned out crappy
Didnt do well cos I got nervous.

NTS: The First Thing I Wanna Do During Holiday
Is To Lie On A Grass Patch During The Evening Sky

NTS: The Second Thing I Wanna Do Is To Sit On A Breakwater
At A Beach At Evening.

Adios
I'm Tired Of Being What You Wan Me To Be, Feeling So Faithless. Should I Give Up?

2009-04-25T21:26:00.002+08:00

Sch Anniversary Over
Finally
Practised like so long just to march in do some stuff
March out....

Anyway loved the purple scarf
Feels confident in it...not to mention hot and stuffy
But then ppl starts asking us why?
We told them its a ranger trademark

Them: why got purple scarf thingy
Us: oh..something to do with Rangers thing
Them: oh...
Them: so now power rangers

LOL.

Anyway...still have to do those ****ed up proposals
The faster the camp is over the better.
Anyways.....................................................

I'm finally sitting down and really doing my TYS
And studying
Must continue working hard

As for negative comments people are giving me
I'll try not to hear it

Well..been hearing Invoke and To Zanarkand
Hearing "A Liitle Too Not Over You"
Once again by David Archuleta

Adios
Cold Shoulder.

2009-04-23T22:16:00.005+08:00

Had a good time today with Ben, Hazeline and Cheryl
lol had a nice caht and dinner.
Helped to relieve stress.

Tomorrow is parade.
But I'm not excited.
Just get it over and done with

Well...I guess thats all.

~~I don't know. You have no idea how much tat hurt, didnt't you.~~
~~Discrimination. Meritocracy. Bullshit.~~
I~~f thats the way you want me to be, fine. I would never step tat class again.~~

Adios
I Apply For Realease.

2009-04-20T19:54:00.002+08:00

Just Treat This As Crap

Maybe I'm too demanding.
Maybe Dan was right, that I should just do my part and need not care about others
Maybe I Should
Maybe I'll Stop Going For CCA after the Camp
Maybe I was too tense

Too many Maybes

Jasper: Failure Incarnate
Lee: Failure Reborned?

I dunno.
Just got badly scolded my CL teacher today.
My chinese homework is still not done.

I'm really lost

Life have put me in a locker, threw the key away
Den dropped the locker off in the middle of nowhere.
I opened the locker, Finds myself in nowhere
Without compass, maps and even stars.

The desperate feeling

Life might as well just put me in the middle of the sea
And leave me there.

Life - Murder and Mercy

Btw, I dunoo when I will blow
But when I do
Please dun me around me
I dun wan you to see it nor get blown at

But if you do, I'm sorry
But I'll Control. I Must.

Adios
Brave Fronts, Dying To Go Out With You Just Once More, And I'll Be Content

2009-04-17T21:15:00.002+08:00

I hate this.
It's changing me
I didn't use to be so hot-tempered
I didnt use to be that tired
I didnt use to feel so isolated from my friends, because of my duties

I didnt use to have hatred in me
I didnt even use to be violent.

But now, I snap easily
I flare up easily
I cannot concentrate in class
I'am doing so much CCA work that I sleep almost at 12am - 1am each day
I cant find time to study

I find deep-rooted hatred in me
And even hating requires energy.

I'm tired

I almost had a fight today
But I controlled myself
Because if I had fought back, it would get others into trouble.
When a fight broke out on monday, we were alr warned
I didnt want to fight you in front of all the other uniformed grps

And mind you, It wouldnt be just me against you
Cos in case you haven't noticed, you have incurred
Many other's wrath.

I want to get some sleep, but the moment I close my eyes
I remember that there are so many homework I haven done
So many tests that I have not done
So many things to rush
And can you believe it? MYE is like next fortnight start
I even have proposals to do

I really want to let go
But even letting go have conseqences

Would someone in this world know how it feels? Cos I'm tired of it

Adios
Since when did school became so torturous?

2009-04-15T21:04:00.003+08:00

Now I know what is meant by loss of words
I could blog about how much I hate you
How much I wished you could be back like you were
In the past

How much you changed,
How much you pissed people off.

But nothing works
Because the old you I know is gone
You became an irresponsible guy

I wanted to scold you so much during GOH today
And apparently I aint the only one
Because you know how many people you offended today
OH YES, ITS YOU IM TALKING ABOUT

When CCA ended, I really viciously kicked
I don't want to scold you
I don't to care

But you are causing others to be affected
And I dun wan that

I really thought of how to curse you right here and now
While on the bus

I could hurl a thousand vulgarities but what's the point
Jasper could put together every acid in the world to form pH value 0
But what's the point

You already got complaints against you,
And mind you, Jianxiong wants the only one who wanted to complain
I would have gladly been the next to.

Whatever Im saying is gonna get me lots of enemies that are your good friends
But if you dun like to hear the truth...so be it.

I really cant believe your attitude

Jianxiong: would you stop talking? parade about to start.
You: Shutup and fly back China la !

I almost broke the rifle end when I got so pissed off
I slammed the rifle on the ground
Saw some bits of metal and plastic flew out
(so sorry, weapon IC. That could have gotten you into trouble)

Wow, I ranted a lot.
Btw, today when tecklee said NCC needed more self-discipline,
I thought that was a good point

Because wehen you retaliated and scolded tecklee for not having self-discipline,
Do you realised you are far more worse than him
Though I dun deny that I dun have perfect discipline nor
Perfect marching,
At least I strive to have responsibilty.

I guess my life revolves around my cca, because my cca worklad is way more than my test chapters and homework

Adios
Choosing Responsibility Could Be The Hardest And Yet The Best Choice I've Made

2009-04-14T20:24:00.002+08:00

Hyper !!!

Well...today was probably one of th rare days where
I relieved all my stress

I normally relieve stress in a bad way such as kicking,
Shouting and destructive stuff..

But today was best.
Thanks to Ben and Jasper And Hazeline

I don think I had so much fun as I did today.
Since school reopened.

Walked out of class...saw Hazeline near the table
So went to chat...with Ben
Den Jasper came along and we suddenly started kicking a bottle
Got carried away and we all put down our bags
And starting playing Monkey.

All bully me wan sia...
But I really put all my worries behind and played
A simple game but yet so fun

The power of contentment.

Great game
later went home with lots of ppl
But I got separated by the crowd.
Stood alone on bus T_T

NTS: Dun get too carried away; I still've got lots of proposals to do

NTS: DUPER HYPER NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xDDDDDDD

Adios
The Power Of Love, Anger And Happiness

2009-04-13T22:04:00.003+08:00

Learnt more things about myself.

But firstly...
CCA CRAPS...
Today training totally suxs.
Not focusing. Den got pumped.

Den had a stupid incident.
Was trying to be meditator.
Well, things work out pretty fine
Lets hope tomorrow they'll apologise to each other

I realised, in the process of helping them
How anger and rage is so destructive. And how really powerful the tongue can be.
The Tongue can poison a person's mind, or save him.
The power of words

Well, I learnt much from their fight.
Like, how rashness can cause boken friendships
How reckless we could be,
How Anger reallys blocks out the right thinking.

Because of the few words, you wan to destroy your friendship?
Is It Worth It?

And many disagreements doesn't just come from nowhere.
More than often, peer pressure is the main part.

I've seen how this cruel world, some cruel people
Must drive others to insanity.

Two people who are like having disagreements with other alr
But refuse to speak and bottle it up

Like shaking coke but not opening it.
One day, after so much shaking, It's bound to explode.

I learnt so much today.
But at least their friendship was saved. I felt relieved.
Felt great because they didnt need to feel the regret of losing
Friends over a few words,
unlike me.

Have I Been Forgiven For My Wrongs? I Doubt So.

Note To Self: I must control rage and anger. I've seen it's destructive power and I won't let it get the better of me.

NTS : I must study hard. I can't let CCA destroy me.

NTS : How long more can I last?

Adios
Thanks, I Know You've Been Trying To Talk To Me. Esp On The Tagboard.

2009-04-12T18:05:00.002+08:00

Learnt something about myself today

1. I dun talk a lot when I'm with a crowd
2. I clam up when under pressure.
3. I dun like violence
4. I'm violent when I'm enraged
5. Some people enraged me till I dun want to know them anymore

I'm beginning to lose it
I'm so tired that its killing me to care anymore

I called you, trying to get a proposal that I've been chasing
For two days
All you could say was " Do you think I give a fcuk"
You could have picked up my call two days earlier and tell me that
You know, instead of wasting my efforts
I won't mind you know,

BUT YOU HAD TO DRAG TILL NOW AND TELL ME THAT
thanks lot.

Then some people dun have a phone and dun even use it.

Have I Been Forgiven of All My Wrongs?
Heard that today. I Didnt Reply. I Dun Know.

To Hazeline: Thanks for hearing out my probs today. Relieved.

Adios
I've Given Up

2009-04-11T16:54:00.002+08:00

I won't try to philosopize,
I'll just take a deep breath
And I'll look in your eyes

Adios
Everytime I Get Chance To See You Smile

2009-04-09T23:37:00.002+08:00

Tired of everything.
Thought of everything I said this morning
Esp the part when I recklessly crossed the road

I told myself
"At least a dead man faces less pressure than me"

But I know
Sucide will never be a thing I'll do
Because there's more to it than just you being dead

Family.Friends.

I always tot sucidals are cowards

Today was demoralising
Had two sciences teachers scolding us
Like they had alr arranged it at home
Well, they do live together.
Anyway, as I as I hate to admit it,
They are right about us

Well, mostly right.
Need to buck up.

You know, Mr Fahmy said we had to make sarcifices
And Dan told me NCC is not worth it and I should study for myself instead
Well, do I still feel something for my CCA? because however much I want,
I know I won't do that.

Its so tiring.
Learnt about Pressure
They say atmospheric pressure is 100,000 Pa
But I say peer pressure and life is 1,000,000,000 Pa 2gether.

Did my bio prac (AT LAST!!!)
Dragged since dunno how long ago.
Went home with a heavy heart.

I dunno myself anymore
I badly want to talk to you.

Adios
Had My Heart On Lockdown

2009-04-08T21:05:00.011+08:00

Just thought of the song "Superman"
lyrics was
Even heroes have, the right to live

I'm Not

Even

Superman

========================================================================
They give me 2 days to plan a whole camp (6 actvities proposals) with the whole unit
But apparently no one cares and only a few did with me.
Yes, and I did it. at least 70%-80% was done by me, jasper and remy

But at what expenses?
I'm now very tired,
I owed a CL homework that I'm about to get Homework Class for
2 maths worksheets ( I appreciate that mr famhy tries not to chase for it, but I cant drag it forever.)
Loads of files.

Den now because it had lots of errors, we have to revise a lot of things,
And this time, an additional 6 proposals is added and I only get 5 more days

I'm Trying Very Hard To Complete It
why?
Because no one's helping
Besides jasper

why?
Because I dun wan to get everyone punished

I sacrificed a lot of my time and homework, den my CL cher thinks
I turned bad, becomes pia kia or something

Haven I've Given My Best?
And dun come tell me yu sacrificed your time
By not playing LAN or going out

THOSE ARE

LOADS OF

CRAP

At least the ClT appreciates it
They wrote there "keep up the good work"
Even though there were lots of errors

But I cant do everything by myself
And I dont wan to sabo anyone by saying most of you slacking
It's like suppose everyone plan tgt
But i bet if i were to ask you anything about it,
You can even say
" huh, need plan camp ar?"
Or stupids things !!!!

I Feel That My Sacrifices Are Worthless

Pointless, to get a group to come together when so many ppl are

SUPERFLUOS

You guys are the committee in NCC (I wont say best of the best because some of you dun like that phrase or not even fit to be that)
I dont expect bombastic/fantastic/amazing/quality/priceless/good/nice/fascinating
work from you guys, but at least have some responsibility.

And during parade,
I know I shouted focus twice, and shutup 3 times.
And the last shutup I shouted was like really shout until even laihong at guides there here until.
Worse is when some guailan ppl like **i** a*g loves to talk back

Den regarding the mistakes about our proposals, I dunno if you guys
Took notes of your mistakes
Because you were all talking.

But one way or another, I'm reaching my limits
Kicked a tree till my boots went white and the tree barks broke
=========================================================================

Anyway, lots of thanks to JieYing and Hazeline for the cookies they made for my birthday some time ago. It' Delicious.

Thanks Hazeline for msg-ing me and listening to my rants.

sorry sisiew, though action speaks louder than words

Adios
What Do My Sarcifices Means Anyway, When They're Worthless To Everyone Else

2009-04-04T16:43:00.005+08:00

Had road-marshal duty today
Pretty pointless and bored

Did some thinking
Just realised that
'The Best Time To Think, Is When You're Alone'

I wished I could run along
And vent out anything I'm holding inside
Because I dunno wat's wrong these days
Been feelin down and out and enraged and disappointment

But I can't find that source of rage
It's tiring me and I'm disappointed in myself for so many things
Down and Out? I really dunno wad matters anymore.
I'm not even physically out

Mental. Just treat this whole post as crap, outsiders, for only I understand myself.

Since monday no GOH
I shall go running
Preferably tire out myself so that I could be numb.

Death.Dying.Dead

Lost Amidst The Greatest Maze, Crawling

Discomfort endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It`s haunting how I can't seem...

To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence, I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

^^^exactly how I'm feeling right now
Lost,Mental Discomfort,Unsure,Insecurity

Adios
Time Is Ever Moving, And I Get Helplessly Dragged Along With It

2009-04-01T22:21:00.010+08:00

Happy today xD
After that big scolding from the CLT
And from Mr Lai,
They finally decided to buck up
And won back half the dignity we lost on Mon

Buts thats not all
We must do better !!!

April Fool's Day
THe worst part was getting tricked by DS
About my pants =.=
But tricked a handful of people too :]

Anyways, I think I really experienced wad is tired :/

X_X

Even with days without homework, The CCA would give us loads to do. Even when days that i could go home at 4.05, the school must add something in to make it 6pm. X_X

Adios
I Dunno How To Talk To You Anymore. It's Getting Harder

2009-03-30T20:31:00.003+08:00

Disappointment.
Today was hell.
I lost all my inspirations

----Do Not Read As It Is Highly Offensive------

Today GOH was hell. I dun mean the training.
I mean our unit.

Been trying to get everyone to behave better
I know you guys are tired.
I slept at 12 + the day before
But I know some of you slept later
So when you guys adjust when its not during parade I dun mind
But marching out halfway your stratch this and that
Its very obvious.

Totally got disgraced by Mr Lai
I know we're all demoralised
But please think, was Mr Lai biased?
It's true that our Arms-Drills really sux lor
---------------------------------------------------
I tried to tell you nicely to keep quiet
To not fidget
But it all fell on deaf ears
I didnt wan to shout Shut Up
But I was forced to
Was I Too Soft?

I shall change that then
Tmr tue got meeting
All Part C must go
I'am the OIC
So if I get scolded and pumped for any screw-ups you've done
I will not hesitate to screw you

I'am like the bad guy now.
But I chose to
Though I hate it,
Because no one else would be one.

After training today, Mr Han gave us snacks for our hard work
I almost threw it away
But gave to my sis instead
Because we should jolly well know we didnt deserve it
We gave shit. We made the a poor mark in Histroy of MJR NCC.

I remember over my previous post [ responsibility vs friends]
I chose responsibility, being the bad guy
Im prepared to lose my cca friends if I must

I'm What You Turned Me Into

Adios
I Chosen Responsibility Over Friends

2009-03-27T22:42:00.002+08:00

School Sucks.
GOH Stinks
Physics Craps
Chemistry Disappoints Me
Bio Bores

I'm Lost.

Everybody Screaming, I Try To Make A Sound
But No One Hears Me
I'm Slipping Off The Edge
I'm Hanging By A Thread
I Wanna Start This Over Again

I've Done Something That Went Against My Better Judgement
Even Though I Could Have Sworn I Didnt Intrude Into It
But I Was Wrong To Have Even Open The Book In The First Place

Glad That I Resolved The Mixed Feelings Within
Because I Can't Afford The Make That Same Mistake Thrice

Adios
This Dead End Life

2009-03-25T21:57:00.003+08:00

Tired
Frustrated
Confused
Mixed Feelings =.=

GOH drill 2day was a disaster
Shall not think about that

Just been thinking about some song lyrics
At the end of everything
What's left are just memories

And then a saying from "Batman Beyond"
Happened to see this because Cartoon Network was screening it

"It's Not The Mask That Makes You Worthy, Its You That Makes The Mask Worthy"

It made sense, as its not the job that makes you a hero/heroine, Its you that makes those actions heroic

Brick Walls Are Closing In
Let's Make, A Run Tonight

I Shall Not Repeat The Same Mistake,
For I'm Confused
Mixed Feelings =.=
What Am I Thinking?

Was asking Friends vs Responsiblity - which is more important?
Tagboard:

25 Mar 09, 21:33
Lee]brian: yea but saying is always easier than doing it ...

24 Mar 09, 23:14
brian: i would sae responsiblity is mre important

Just thinking....
I know many ppl will pick responsibilty
For after all, that's one of the moral values we were taught since
Primary Sch?

But Who Daresay They Have Total Confidence That They Will Value Responsibilty More?
But I Daresay That It's Human Nature To Want Both

... ...

Let Go, L-Let Go
Just Jump In
Now Wacha Waiting For?
Besides, Cos There Beauty In The Breakdown

Adios
What Really Matters? I Don't Know.

2009-03-24T21:20:00.003+08:00

Today had TrainFire for SAR21 at HQ
But the most significant part was after we got back to school

-------This Is Not Direct To Anyone or Meant To Be Biased---Just My Own Reflection

The CLT gave us sorta lecture
He said he did not believe in pumping or scolding
Helping to solve matters, but he'll do it if he is forced
But he ask the sergeants, including me if it was fair for us to get pumped
For something our cadets did

We obviously said no, den he started arrowiing ppl
he asked Jasper, as he was Unit Head, to stand in front
And tell us our mistakes

Den he said our discipline sucks, but soley because of a few ppl
Den he started arrowing ppl.
Say like for example, he started asking who think this person not fit
To be this post...or tat?
Den is like nobody answer, he arrowed ppl
Den tio me
But he say no half-half

Forcing me to say how I really feel
So I sorta betrayed that guy, I said no, he did a bad job.
It didn't feel good to do this to anyone, not at all.
But I couldnt lie and say he did a good job.
Cos all of us knew he wasn't

Den a lot more arrowing and I realised how our unit actually is
so distanced, and the sergeants and corporals all gave separated answers
Is like the CLT say he noticed our group is like split by race or region
Felt so lost when i heard tat.
Den he said who agree that today our discipline was not up to standard

Most of the corporals didnt raise their hand
And I wished I could do so to
But as someone who went through the stupid spec course
I knew that behavior is not tolerated and apparently so did
all the other sergeants
So we raised our hands against our wishes
And I'm thinkin

Are These Tests That Puts Friendship Into Tests?

Den the CLT asked if anyone knew whose fault was it
Once again no one answered
So the CLT arrowed Jasper.

"So you're tellin me it's all Jasper, ur USM fault? so I should blame him?"
he said.

Obviousy I couldnt let Jasper take all the blame
So I said " no sir "
Den arrow me again.
He asked me why orders by Jasper werent followed
Den I told him some of us got follow, only a handful didnt
Den he ask me direct that person

I kept my mouth shut, cos when I opened it, I just couldnt say a thing
I couldnt bring myself to do this to my platoon mate...
Am I too soft?

Den he told us that he want the same number of cadets tomorrow for training
One short, all present will do 50 pumping eac for one person that didnt turn up
Remy, as an ASM, need do double. Jasper, as an USM, must do triple
For each mistake in discipline, its 10 pumping
the double or triple rule still applies.
So tmr sure die le

Sometimes, I wished the sec 3 part C would be more disciplined
The sergeants hate commanding you because we dun wan to use authortiy on our friends,
But time and time again, the way you behavour, we are forced to use authority, den you guys will say we abuse authority, or wad is this how you treat your friends, or sometimes you guys dont even respect the commands given. And you want us to treat you well? It's not easy juggling between Friends and Responsibility?

Thats What I've Learnt -
Friends vs Responsibility, the great dilema. It's hard trying to choose. Just imagine you have to pump your friends in front of you. It's hard to watch.
With Great Power Comes Great Responsibilty, not to mention lots of pumping.

Adios
I Hope This Feeling Doesn't Last Forever

2009-03-21T21:02:00.005+08:00

I'm So Tired
Don't Feel Like Exactly Blogging
Shall Show It In A Form Of Songs

-----Numb----LP---------

Don't Know What're Expecting Of Me
Put Under The Pressure
Of Walking In Your Shoes

Every Step I Take,
Is Another Mistake To You...

-------All Again For You-----WeTheKings------

You Were Everything That's Bad For Me
Make No Apologies
I'm Crushed
Black And Blue
But You Know I'll Do It All Again
For You

Lyked those lyrics a lot...
Esp All Again For You
Cause it's so nice
Crushed...black and blue...but he'll still do it again...
Just for her...thats sweet

Adios
I Really Want To Know What I Mean To You...

2009-03-20T19:52:00.002+08:00

Back From A Tiring Camp
I Didnt Like It Much

Cos' I Missed You

Adios
What've Done Wrong AGAIN?!

2009-03-16T18:15:00.002+08:00

Will Be Gone For 4 Long Days For A Torturous Training Camp

terribly sick =.=

Adios
I Know This Is An Unattainable Dream; And So, My Eyes Fill With Tears Again

2009-03-12T19:36:00.005+08:00

Back with a new blogskin, like I promised
Finally had time to hunt for blogskin and do
Major editing to it
And this's the results

Just came back from Kahang
I won't list details cos' almost everyone went
Anyways, lost one of the rubber shoes, left only one
During bamboo rafting
Became the joke during bamboo rafting
LOL...was pretty funny i guess

Main point today was to go sch to do some dumb presentation
The sch loves during wrong things
At the wrong time
Use for El marks somemore...sure fail la

Hmm...let's post another inspiration

Sometimes It Hurts So Much
Somehow The Pain Doesn't Go Away
Sometimes It Eases Me So Much To See You
Only To Feel Much More Pain
When That Short Happy Moment Is Gone

No Wonder They Say
Losing Something Hurts More Than Having It In The First Place

If I Hadn't See You At That Moment
I Wouldn't Feel That Comfortable; Then Perhaps The Pain Lessens
Compared To Not Having That Comfort At All

I Thought I Wouldn't Feel Too Much About It Since
Time Is Suppose To Heal All Wounds
But Today I Was Deeply Reminded Of It Again
And Somehow That Feeling Returns...Not Totally Pain
But More Of A Miserable Feeling I Cant Put Words To

Inspirations from "Easier To Run" by Linkin Park
It's Only How I Feel At Least, So Dun Think Too Wrong Ppl
I'm Not Sadistic Or Mental... ...

Adios
The First Time It Hurt That Much Again After All This Time...